Sunday, June 07, 2009

Early Monday Morning & Later Monday Morning

It' almost 4 a.m. and I'm wide awake.  I think it has finally hit me...the whole emotional roller coaster.  Honestly, I spent the last 15 minutes quietly crying and even as I write this, tears spring out of my eyes.  Don't get me wrong, I love my Grace Bing Qing.  I understand why she is so miserable:  losing everything she has ever known, teething, congested, having heart issues to boot...I think I feel a little scared and a little overwhelmed.  I'm not sure of everything I need to do.  I worry about her little heart.  It's just scary.
My computer died and I had to recharge.  It is now 9:10 a.m.  Grace is sitting in her Grammy's lap watching Chinese telenovelas and infomercials (the one for a bigger bust is takes away the fat from your gut and puts it in your least that's what I might be for a miracle bra that smooths everything).  Grace woke up crying at about 6 a.m.  I guess I would too if I saw the haggard me peering over me.  She drank a bottle and had some congee at breakfast.  She just fell asleep on her Grammy's lap.  We had a scare because she would blink her eyes and when they would open, they would sort of roll back in her head.  She kept doing this.  It scared Grammy but I think it was her fighting sleep.  I'm not sure.  She really likes to watch people, like her mama.  She was especially interested in seeing all of the other Chinese babies in the restaurant.  We have a meeting with the director at 10 a.m.  I've got a ton of questions to ask.  Grace always wants to be held.  Sometimes she likes the ergo...sometimes not. 


Sandra said...

Jamie - How can I call you???
I want to talk to you. I want to foot the bill. It does not matter to me what time.


Denise said...

I know you are stressed, tired and OVERWHELMED, so Please worry about NOTHING but you and Grace. This is all new to you and YOU AND GRACE will find you groove soon! Just remember "breathe!! and do what YOU need to do!"
WE love you! be safe!!

Sandra said...

Jamie - This will work for the congestion:

Either go to Wal-mart and purchase a cheap humidifer (found in the section where the drugs are) that you can just leave behind when you finally leave. Just add water to the fill-line, and plug in. The humidity will help her to breath.
If that is not an option, then run the shower as hot as it will go, and shut the door of the bathroom to capture all the steam. Then, go in there with her and sit with her...things will loosen up, and she will breathe easier. It is the same thing as the humidfier, but kind of a bigger pain to do.

I wish I could be there for you. I know it is scary to have your baby sick. Especially with fever and her heart condition.

I miss you! Sandra

Grace said...

I know you are scared, but trust in God that he has brought you this far on your journey to motherhood and he will continue to guide you in the years to come. Listen with an open heart and know that there are so many people that care about you and Grace and will do anything they can to help.

Flatbed said...

Hi Jamie, Rex here.
We are so excited to finally see you and Grace in the same picture. We are also concerned for you and know somewhat how you feel. So overwhelmed and in a strange land and a strange situation and wondering if you are up to the task. Well. I can tell you that you are!
All your life has been leading up to this with all the care you've given your grandparents, parents, sister and her family, etc. Not to mention us and Holly. It's not that you're Wonder Woman and know everything and are expert at everything. You just have the skills to find it out and figure it out and the heart and drive to get it done.
You're a real parent now and your heart breaks to see your baby suffer. That's how it works and it will never end. You just stepped up by yourself for one with bigger needs. She couldn't be in better hands--really. Just focus on the next thing that needs to get done and keep moving. You are strong enough and caring enough and talented enough for the job. Grace is SO fortunate to have you to take care of her! What a life she will have that she could never have imagined without you!
We'll keep tabs on the blog and email until Sandra can call you.
Keep your eyes ahead and make forward progress!
Rex, Sandra and Holly