Sunday, December 28, 2008

A late Merry Christmas

I had a nice Christmas. I was glad that my sister didn't have to work the night before or had to work that day. I got to spend the day with my parents, my sister, her hubby and 3 kiddos as well as my aunt and her partner. Santa and my family were kind to me. I enjoyed cooking for everybody. I just need to learn to not cook as much.

I also got to see my best friend, her hubby and her lovely daughter Miss Holly the day after. We exchanged presents and guess what? We got each other the same purse? How is that for being best friends? We have similar yet different tastes but the purse is super cute. I was also glad that Miss Holly let me hold her. She's so sweet and funny and clever and adorable and cute and I could go on and on. She's good therapy for me, especially when she puts her arms out to me so I can hold her. I think it's because she thinks I'm a big playmate (I do a great itsy bitsy spider and I like go give her stuffed animals voices).

I also saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons yesterday. It was super duper long and it was just okay. It made me think about the movie, How Stella Got Her Groove Back...she could have gotten her groove back in an hour and not the 2 hour movie it was...My curiosity could have been sated in an hour and a half, you know what I mean? The car ride home was interesting...I learned that it's hard for me to hear other people tell me that I should be praying or doing novenas to pray for Grace to come. Did they not think that I haven't been doing that? It was definitely an ouch thing for me and made me cry a bit (I think a little bit because of hormones and a little because of frustration and a little because I am feeling my faith falter a little). I am trying very hard to stay strong and have faith, but I'm only human and not perfect. This time of year is a time of reflection and honestly, the wait time has caused great hurt and disappointment as well as a chink in my armour of strength. I will survive and I will continue waiting. I will not give up on my dream of my daughter.

I hope the RQ is correct is saying that the cutoff for referrals will be February 28th and that they will start March at the beginning of the year. I can hope and pray for miracles in 2009 that the referrals will speed up. That's all I can do. You know, next year, in a few days, I really want to take the skydive approach to things. I just need to jump and not worry about it.

Monday, December 22, 2008

What would you like for Christmas?

Tomorrow will be three years ago that I got the news that I got a coveted spot in GWCA single's program. I was so excited that day. It was like the best Christmas present ever. Now here I am, three years later and I'm still hoping and praying for my daughter from China. My friends and family have often asked me what I wanted for Christmas and you know, like most of waiting parents, all we really want is our children, just plain and simple. Maybe I should have waited in line this year to see Santa and tell him what I wanted. I mean, it couldn't have hurt, except for Santa's lap. I can only imagine the look on Santa's face when he sees me coming to sit on his lap. He would totally have the cartoon eyes that pop out of his head.

My mom and I were talking about whether or not I would change anything about the agency I chose. My agency is a large, China only agency and at the time, when I thought it would only take a year, I wanted an agency that was close by and were experts in the country I was adopting from. They fit the bill. I know there are other great agencies that do multi-country and in fact, one of them was going to call me about a single's slot for their China program earlier in 2005 but I never followed up. I mean, if I had gone that route, I could have switched countries without losing as much money as I have invested now. But you know, it's not about the money (well, it is getting more expensive, but I'll deal). I don't know if I would have switched countries anyways. I know my daughter is in China and she's waiting for me. Besides, I have a history of always picking the slowest line in the grocery store, so this is par for me.

It will again be a tough holiday for us all while we are waiting. I, myself am going to have a Day Spa day next Monday to de-stress.

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

A day to note

This was a very interesting day. First of all, it is my sister's birthday. I have the greatest sister ever. She is one of my closest friends as well as my sister. It wasn't always that way. But, I can't imagine life without her. She is funny and has 3 great kids, even when they are driving me crazy. Today is also Shannon's cancer day...this is the day that we found out last year that Shannon had breast cancer. But, a year later, she is doing great and is cancer free. You go girl! She is one of the strongest women you'll ever meet. I have the deepest admiration for her. She has had a lot of tough times but she keeps popping back up.

Book Fair was better today than yesterday. I still think we will be going with another company if we do one in the spring. But the coolest thing ever that happened was my parent volunteer. I truly believe she is a sign for me to continue being strong in this wait. I was checking out the RQ website to see if there were any cutoff rumors (it's not looking good) and I was lamenting to Shannon about it. I told the parent that I was adopting from China. She looked at me and said, my daughters are Chinese. We adopted them...didn't you see my daughter earlier (of course I hadn't because I was fixing the book fair and was oblivious to things). So we talked about her adoptions and her girls and it just made me feel so much stronger. I tell you, God sends us signs when we are feeling kind of vulnerable to make us stronger. I looked at her daughter and smiled. I know no matter how long it takes, I will be getting my Grace. I'm hanging onto that thought.

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Bad days but good days

Yesterday was an Alexander Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day. It actually began Sunday night with an e-mail to my personal e-mail account from my principal about an irate parent saying I hadn't returned e-mails or phone calls. That was news to me. Hadn't received one e-mail or phone call. In the end, the parent double-talks in the return e-mails to me and I carbon copy my responses to her (basically she called herself out that she hadn't tried contacting me since the 3rd week of school) which were very nice and professional. What I resented was the e-mail that was sent back to the parent from my principal before she spoke to me. Basically, bottom line, I got thrown under the bus and made to look like a complete incompetent and that really hurt. Then, we are having book fair this week and they were supposed to deliver it first thing yesterday and guess what? They screwed up and had me in the afternoon...it didn't come until after school and I was already livid. I wasn't about to stay after school (I already had plans for dinner with my family...sister's anniversary) Guess who they had set up the book fair? The guy (you know the one that I was so done with a few weeks ago) dad! Yeah, saw too much of him already this week. He was in the foyer when I walked in. He's a nice guy, but yeah, too much of a reminder. Oh well...thank God today was better. But you know, if I really look at the big picture, way worse things could be happening to me. One of my parents' friends was just diagnosed with bone marrow cancer and is in the hospital.

This week has been already one of those weeks. I am so ready to have Christmas vacation. I just want another break to sleep in and give myself a couple of days to wallow. It will be another tough year for those of us who are still waiting. We had hoped that last Christmas we would have our children this Christmas and the outlook isn't promising, at least number wise. We can always hope for our Christmas miracle.