Congratulations to My Friends Seeing Their Baby's Face's for the 1st Time

I am super excited for my May LIDers who are finally getting to see their child's face for the first time in 4 years since they started the journey.  If I hadn't gone the waiting child route, I still would be waiting, the next in line and probably totally sick to my stomach. I am so proud of them for their patience and they are soon to be united with their children.  YEA!  I pray they get speedy travel approval and that all goes well.

They thought the 4 years was a hard wait, this one is even worse because you know what your baby looks like!  Keep the picture on you at all times and yes, you will always keep thinking back to your child.  I don't think it ever stops!

I shoulda....

I should have known better to let her eat the spaghetti and pile on the cheese and have some of the gooey garlic toast.  I should have known that all her meds plus what she ate plus the horrid evening cough would most likely make her cough so much when she falls asleep that she throws up.  I should have known that when she was falling asleep, she wanted her belly rubbed and that her oxygen sats weren't the best.  I should have known by her more "devilish" behavior that she wasn't feeling so great. So, I have a little one who threw up on her blankie and three times in my hand and who is now sound asleep on my side of the bed.   My mommy sense must be a little off and experiencing technical difficulties.  The good thing is that she's not coughing up a storm or complaining her tummy hurts.  I am learning about what not to eat when one has the nasty coughs and is on yucky meds (Grace says, "I no like this one")  I hope she's okay for the rest of the night.  I am hoping it will be a good, good night (in the lyrics of the great Black Eyed Peas). 

We got a call today from Make A Wish and it looks like our wish will most likely be to Sesame Place and not to the Beaches resort in Turks & Caicos.  Miss Thang was pretty upset she will not be meeting Elmo at the beach.  I told her it would be either meeting Elmo or the beach.  We looked at pictures of both and she decided Sesame Place was what she wanted.  They aren't open during the school year so it looks like it will be a summer trip but it will have to wait as Gracie will be having her second open heart surgery this summer. I am just so grateful to Make A Wish that they will make my girl a great memory.  It's an awesome thing to do for a person.

Mommy's Sense

I have learned that like Spiderman, mom's have a sixth sense when it comes to their children.  As a new mom, I have seen it with others, but I wasn't sure how mine was developing.  Turns out, I definitely have that mommy sense.  Let me just start out by saying this past school week, my daughter has been back to her Grace-face self and not having the serious meltdowns. It has been heavenly!  Thursday evening, she wasn't really eating a lot and I asked her if her throat was hurting.  She said yes.  Hmmmmmmm....there was also a report of strep in her class that week, she was off antibiotics since Tuesday.....AND Friday morning she had that smell on her breath when she has strep.  I took her to see our favorite doctor, Dr. Ohhhhh as Gracie calls her because she can't say her full name and she tested positive for step again.  Poor baby!  So, we are on another round of antibiotics.  This will make 8 weeks on antibiotics.  And Saturday night, the cough came back.  I gave her so benadryl last night which helped a bit but I think I am going to have to call the doctor back and let them know.  Aye Yi Yi!  She is sleeping though and I'm trying hard to let her sleep as long as possible. 

I also am sick but am in recovery.  Walking pneumonia has totally whipped my butt but  I am feeling better, at least breathing-wise.  I'm just exhausted easily.  So, the two of us are sickies.  But the thought that terrifies me is that if she keeps getting sick, they are going to want to do the surgery earlier.  We are not ready for that.  Say a little prayer for Grace's recovery and that we can figure out what's going on and why she is getting sick over and over.  Her hemotologist said that her tests came back normal so we aren't sure why the test was irregular before.  I guess that is a good thing but I wish we had some clear cut ideas about why she is always getting sick and why it takes so long for her to heal.  I am learning so much about the body systems and how they work that I could start my own doctor practice!  Not really but it's interesting how much my focus has changed and what I research has changed.  in a year.  It's going to be a day at a time week.  She has speech and occupational therapy this morning and I'll try to make an appointment this afternoon to check out her cough. 

Does She Speak English?

When Grace and I were leaving her new school yesterday, another mom approached me and said, "She's sooooo cute...." and in the next breath asked "Does she speak English?"  Okay, the protective mom in me flashed briefly and wanted to say, "Does your kid?" Instead I said, "Yes, she speaks and understands English.  She has been home for over a year."  My mom asked me if I was bothered by the comment but it's more annoying.  People are gonna ask stupid questions like that.  It's just people and it's their ignorance.  I've gotten a lot of those stupid questions, "Is she yours?" "Where is she from?"  "Is she Korean because my whatever adopted a baby from there" and I did get the dreaded "How much did she cost you?"  I choose not to get upset and answer them in a nice way.  Most of the time the question ended with that question and either the comment of "She's so beautiful" or "What a Lucky Girl!"  I always say she is beautiful and we are both lucky girls to have each other.  My beautiful girl is going to have to deal with these types of questions and she looks to me on how to handle them.  If I get all bent out of shape, then most likely so will she. 

Her new school is going well. She is adjusting and is quiet and clingy when she gets home but I know it will take her time.  It's a big change.  She is at least not kicking the heck out of me when she goes to sleep.  Last night she wanted the lamp on and the TV on.  So, she started watching Glee with me but then fell asleep halfway through.  I'm still the walking dead with walking pneumonia.  I walk a little and then cough my guts out.  I'm doing better though than the day before and I actually made it the whole day at work.  We go see the hemotologist on Thursday and I think he is going to take more blood.  I might just bring Gracie back to school with me and then she can stay with her Mimi and Pa after their doctor appointment.  It just depends on how it goes. 

I have walking pneumonia and trying to heal and rest with an active 2 year old don't really go together.  My sister and my niece took her to Mommy &Me dance class yesterday.  I was so glad they did.  Both girls had a good time.  My biggest issue is feeling so worn out doing little things.  I need a lot of rest.  What makes it worse is that Grace's sleep issues have become worse.  She doesn't want to sleep and when she is falling asleep or half waking up, she kicks and hits.  She's not really totally with it.  I think something is up but I haven't quite figured it out yet.  She HATES to go to sleep.  She is very active and funny, especially when she yells in her sleep, "NO HOPE!  MY HAM! MY HAM!" (Hope is our dog).  My daughter does love her ham.  We talk about it in the morning and we talk about how we keep the ham away from Hope and that Hope sleeps downstairs. 

Grace qualified for speech in our school district and will start receiving services when she turns 3.  The ARD hasn't happened yet but it should soon.  Grace starts her new school tomorrow.  I think I am more nervous than she will be.  I hope it's a great day.

One of those weekends...

My beloved Gracie, who has been on antibiotics for about a month and was off for one day ended up testing positive for strep yet again.  I, also went to the doctor on Friday and I have a bad sinus infection and a crackle in my right lung.  This makes for one very tired mama and one cranky little girl.   And when the empress gets cranky, she gets downright mean and screechy.  And, she's feisty and tenacious in her meltdowns...girlfriend can outlast people with her shrill shrieking.  I was literally in tears while waiting to get her new antibiotics (in the Walgreens drive-thru) because she was melting down big time.  Those are the days when I just feel so emotionally drained. It has been like this all weekend, on and off.  Whenever she doesn't get her way or if I don't give her my 100% attention 100% of the time, she would lose it.  Surprisingly, I have been calm and I either put her in the naughty chair when she started kicking and hitting (especially when she was hitting the dog and pulling her fur) or just holding her and walking around with her.  I just held her and let her cry...she didn't want to be held sometimes but I would tell her I wanted to hold onto her until she got calm and I would put her down when she was calm. I wouldn't say anything to her but hold her closely to me and walk around and remind her that when she was calm, I could put her down.  I wanted her to be safe.  And when she was done, I would ask her if she felt better and she would always say yes.  Then we would talk about why we shouldn't hit the dog or that Mama needed to...Then I would tell her to say sorry to Hope or me and if it was me I would say, I'm sorry that you were angry.  I hope that you feel better and I love you.  I also think part of her meltdowns stem from lack of sleep (she is in that antinap mode on the weekends...we are trying) and the steroids she is taking.  I really should be sleeping right now as she is asleep, but I needed to kind of unwind and catch my own "breath" which is kind of appropriate since I have been having breathing issues and am on an inhaler.  It feels good to unload that.  Don't get me wrong by any means, I love my daughter very much but it's times like these that I get so drained and I need to find an outlet.  I haven't discovered it yet.  I have a lot of guilt, which I put upon myself because I chose to be a single parent.  I chose it and I chose my daughter so in my way of thinking, it is my responsibility to deal with it.  But, I am slowly learning that it is okay to ask for help.   I know that parenthood is valleys and peaks.  I know that my daughter has a lot on her plate physically and emotionally.  There are a lot of wounds and scars that I can't see.  I just want to try to help her get through them.  She just had a night terror and I ran quickly to the bedroom to make sure she was okay.  God is definitely teaching me patience and understanding with my daughter.

On a brighter note, Grace has been potty accident free all weekend and has been wearing panties all week.  Woo-hoo!  Make a Wish came this week and my daughter wished to meet Elmo at the Beaches Resort in Turks & Caicos.  I hope she is able to get her wish.  Heck, we both could use a little vacay in the Carribean.

Good News & Stress

My life as a single mother is never boring.  It's constantly changing and it's always busy, even when you are just hanging around.  We've been blessed lately with good news...Gracie got into Brighton which has a learning center for children with both special/non special needs.  We've been on the waiting list for a long, long time but we finally got a spot last week.  I cried in making the decision because we really love her teachers where she's at but where she's going she'll have more specialization, more experience with medical kiddos and it's signifiantly less than where she's at (it's subsidized by federal government).  Grace goes there once  week to meet with her early childhood interventionist.  So, I think this whole thing has her a bit out of whack.  She's having problems going to sleep and waking up early and incredibly mean.  We're having a lot more meltdowns.  Time out and taking away things aren't working anymore because she's kicking and hitting in her anger and she doesn't have the language skills to express what she's feeling (and she probably doesn't even know why she's so mad either).  So, I'm doing a holding time in of the count of 30.  Like whe she kicks me I firmly but gently hold her legs and count to 30.  Then when she doesn't immediately kick me I tell her thank you for not kicking me.  I like that.  I always tell her I love her and that I can see that she's angry and upset.  We are working on trying to find the words.  This is more successful that the other strategies, at least at this moment.  I'm finding that I have to not get upset even when she's kicked the heck out of me, slapped me or pulled my hair.  She grabbed a big ol fistful of hair this morning and yanked away when I was alseep.  I don't know if she was totally awake then.  She's started her night/nap terrors for the past couple of days.  It has been pretty tough for me.  I feel emotinally drained sometimes because I'm trying to help her and sometimes I don't feel so successful.  I know it's going to take time but it was just a tough day today.  I was exhausted. 

But,  on a brighter note, she is really progressing on potty training.  She's telling me when she has to go and tonight she's wearing her training panties (not pull ups) and her Muno panties on top of them.  She even went at the restaurant tonight.  I was so proud of her.  I'm also proud of her in Mommy & Me class.  My girl can roll like a hotdog and bear walk like there's no tomorrow.  I think she likes the tumbling part more than the other part.  We might end up trying tumbling class, maybe next year.

Make a Wish called today and they are coming over on Tuesday to interview us about Gracie's wish.  I told them that she loves Elmo, the beach/water and Yo Gabba Gabba. Interesting combo I know.  I've asked Gracie about what she wants and she sometimes will say "I dunno" and shrug her shoulders.  She said tonight she wants Elmo and the Beach trip.  We'll see.  Everytime she sees the promo for the Beaches resort that has Elmo, she gets excited.  So, who knows what'll happen.  Keep your fingers crossed that it'll be a happy wish.