Monday, June 07, 2010

Family Day - Note to My Girl

My precious Gracie…
One year ago, was the best day of my life and the toughest. I was sooooo excited that morning when we flew from Beijing to Nanchang early in the morning. I was exhausted from travel and sightseeing but I couldn’t wait to be united with you. Grammy and I went to the marketplace to get diapers, snacks and other things you might need. I couldn’t think of anything but you. I was excited and nervous and scared and thrilled…just a jumbled mess. Veronica, our guide told all families to meet on the second floor at 3 p.m. Grammy and I got there about 10 to 15 minutes before. You were already there. I caught a small glimpse of you from the hallway and I literally felt like throwing up with the enormity of the whole situation. I was going to be a mom in a short amount of time. I physically saw you for the first time and got to hold you in my arms. You were tiny and really blue. You looked so scared and confused. You let me hold you but it was not close. I remember that you had no diaper on because you had pooped in the one they had you in and they didn’t have another. Grammy kept telling me not to expose your hiney (you had on split pants and no diaper). I don’t have the words to tell you how I felt the moment when they put you in my arms. It was surreal and I expected tears and joy but I felt so much more than that…just know that phrase in Jerry McGuire, when Tom Cruise says, “You complete me…” that pretty much sums it all up. You were restless and upset when we went back to our hotel room in the Jin Feng hotel. I knew something else was up with you and I took your temperature and sure enough, you had a super high fever. We gave you Tylenol and that seemed to help but that was a tough night. You were scared and rightly so. You didn’t sleep well. I cried a lot on that trip because I felt so helpless. It turned out that you had chicken pox. At the time, I didn’t know how bad it was for you to have it with your special heart. The other thing I didn’t realize at the time was how bad your little heart was and that you surviving so long without medical intervention is truly a miracle. I believe it’s your strong stubborn will that is partially responsible.
So much has changed in the past year. You’ve had a major open heart surgery and will most likely have another in a month or so. You’ve gotten taller and gained weight. You are walking and sorta running. Your speech is getting better every day. You love to play and you laugh, especially when you say the word, “boob”. You give hugs, you snuggle close and you call me “Mama.” You are more relaxed and trusting and you have a large extended family who loves you very much. I have become a more patient person and now I put someone before myself. I feel so incredibly happy and content (and stressed sometimes and sleep deprived but that’s part of motherhood). I’m so proud of how much we have grown in one year.
Today we were supposed to enjoy our Yo Gabba Gabba cupcakes and eat Chinese but unfortunately strep throat change our plans (my poor sweetie…I hate that we are always battling the sickness). I guess it’s ironic that our first day as a family you were sick and a year later on our anniversary, you are also sick. We’ll get over this one like we did the last one. Just one request, please don’t pass on strep to your mama like you did the Chicken pox.
I love you, my sweet baby girl. You are always and forever my beautiful daughter.