1 Year Anniversary

Today is my 1 year anniversary for being LID. It seems that it really has flown by. I really think that the rest of my wait will go as fast as this past year (it will be this year...I just know it!)

Congratulations to all fellow May LIDers! We've made it 1 year!

I'm sad for my friend

Today I am sad. It doesn't have to do with my adoption. It has to do with one of my closest friends. She is working through something (she won't tell me, but I know she has a lot of demons from her past) and is pushing me and my other friend away from her. It always used to be the three of us together all of the time, a little less after she had her baby two years ago. She won't talk to either one of us, except she told me Friday that she is not mad at me and knows she's pushing me away. I told her I wasn't giving up on her and that I was praying for her. I knew that she had put in for a transfer. I had even asked her recently if she had heard anything and she hadn't. Today I found out that indeed, she will be going elsewhere. The tough thing is that she has not told me or our other friend. I mean, yeah, it sucks that she's going to another school, but frankly, maybe she needs this change to help her get out of her funk. But, she hasn't said anything and this makes me feel like this is the end of the road for the triad. What scares me the most about her right now is that she's in such a deep despair and she seems hopeless. I hope she is able to get out of this and I hope she's willing to let both me and my other friend back into her life. Only time will tell.

It's Been 1 Year

It has been one year since I was DTC (well on Saturday). It doesn't seem like a year. I keep thinking about what my expectations were back then and I can honestly say that I thought I would have at least a picture of my daughter. I believe that by the same time next year I will have my daughter. I don't think it'll just be a picture. I think it will my actual Grace.

On a brighter note, my Waiting Buddy sent me this awesome outfit for Grace complete with cute hat. She's going to be pretty in pink. I love it. Thank you Diane! You rock!

Surprises

I am now watching the end of the American Idol and am I so shocked that Melinda Doolittle didn't make it into the finale. I LOVE her and she rocks. I do also love the other two.

The other big surprise in my life is that my principal is retiring. I know she had been teetering on retiring or staying but she finally committed to taking the plunge. Shocker. It should be interesting to see who replaces her. I'm a bit nervous because you never know what could happen. Next school year is going to be very interesting. It could be a possible Renaissance.

Mother's Day Blues

Okay, it shouldn't have bothered me, but it did. Today was a tough day for me emotionally. When I began the journey to adopt, I honestly thought at the time I would have a picture of my daughter by now. It's almost a year later and we know the wait has been extending. It started innocently enough by my best friend. She called me frantic this morning about something she had seen on CBS this morning about Chinese adoption. It was frustrating because I had already have told both her and her in-laws that I was indeed grandfathered by the new Chinese regulations. She proceeded to tell me that her inlaws told her about a single woman who got her Chinese adoption revoked because she was on anti-depressants. That just frustrated me because the adoption doesn't get revoked unless it's in the review room and they were unsure about something in the application and it couldn't be substantiated. I HATE rumors like that. I know, in my heart, that it probably wasn't what was said because with rumors, it's usually only a portion of the truth. It shouldn't have upset me, but it did. There really is no reason because my health is fine as is the rest of my application but because I'm not out of review, there is a teeny tiny bit of uncertainty. Even the Mother's Day card my mother gave me and signed my dog's name hurt me too. It really shouldn't because it was with good intentions, but it made tears come to my eyes and it was bittersweet. My sister saying to me at breakfast, "It'll be for you soon." was also heartbreaking to me. I wanted to tell her, I am already a mother. My child happens to be in China right now. But I couldn't because I don't want people to know or see that today is very tough for me because I can only imagine them thinking how silly it is. They don't understand what it's like to be expecting a child but not having that physical proximity. Like, pregnant women, they are expectant mothers and they have the physical proximity of their child and we wish them Happy Mother's Day. We adoptive moms are in limbo and we're not considered mom's until there is an actual physical link. The other thing that hurt me today was people saying Happy Mother's Day to me or asking how it was. I guess I could spin it in a positive way saying, "Wow! I must have already captured the mom look!" But, I think my heart is sad because I'm really yearning for my daughter who is in another country. The only thing I can say to myself to help me feel better is that "Next year I will be celebrating with my daughter."

So, I've gotten it all out and I'm done with this pity party. Tomorrow is a brand new day and I'm one day closer to Grace.

I'm Going Total Wireless

I am an information specialist. I live and breathe information in my job. I'm more of a jack of all trades and master of few. I know a little to get by. I decided that I would like to use my laptop totally wireless. It would be nice checking my e-mail other places than at my desk. I took the plunge and bought a router. It was supposed to be easy to install but of course it isn't. I had to have an Internet chat with my service provider which gave me directions which I started but it didn't work totally. I finally got it to work and then I had to deal with the notebook adapter. That one was FUN! I had to punt on that as well, but I got it working. I am here in my living room posting to my blog and feeling mighty proud of myself. I'm not exactly sure of what I did and how I did it but I did. So, I am now wireless.
I guess it's a Welcome to the Millenium moment a few years later, but at least I finally got on the bus.

East Meets West & Librarian's Idol

I went to the East Meets West conference this past weekend. I am so glad that I went. It was very enlightening. The only thing that sucked about it was the food and that the rooms were too small for some sessions (I don't think they expected EVERYBODY to go to certain ones) Dr. Aronson rocked and her advice was well-received by myself and others (it's okay for other family members to feed your child when you get home or hold them. It doesn't affect attachment...her words exactly were that it was BS but she used the full phrase). I also think when Snow, the head of my agency said, "Right now, China adoption is a leap of faith and a test of your patience" I felt better. I'm not sure why, but I did. I loved meeting other people who are also in my shoes. What a great diverse group of people we are. I also think talking to the other families who are now just beginning the wait made me feel better as well. I guess it's the idea that I'm closer to the front of the line, which gives you a feeling that you aren't last. I really meant it when I told them that this year really has flown by and that theirs will too. I meant it when I told them I hoped their wait would be shorter than mine. Sure, there are times when I'm feeling a bit blue, but I get over them. Everybody has their good and bad days. I'm the kind of girl who likes to see the glass half full and I will continue to live that way.

Speaking of being optimistic...I am running for Librarian's Idol. I know, it's VERY cheesey and it has nothing to do with how good of a librarian you are, BUT...the winner gets free books for their school. How awesome is that! We could surely use it. I have my students and staff voting, but I'm going up against other librarians from the state both public and private. So, I need ya'll's help. I keep slipping. I'm currently 40something and I'd like to win. This contest runs through September so I'm going to ask you guys to keep on voting. The link is on the left in links. It's called librarian's idol. Remember to vote for Jamie at Wood! Thank you guys for doing this for me! You rock!

Ladybugs and Storks

The stork has landed. Referrals came out. The hard news was that only about six days of referrals was in this batch. I thought I would be a little bummed, but I was actually okay. It was like a relief that they had finally made it into November, which is one step closer to May. I focus on baby steps. It keeps me sane. So, it's a good thing. I'm very happy for all of the parents who saw the faces of their children these past few days. What a blessing.

I'm also feeling positive because I had a ladybug spotting...in my house no less. I tried to take its picture but my lighting was poor and it looked psychedelic. I might post the picture later. Yeah, I'll take that as a sign of good luck.

Tomorrow I am off to the conference in Dallas. It should be interesting. I feel bad leaving my Hope Sophia at home. My parents will look in on her. I'm flying up Friday night and flying back Saturday night. She should be okay. I'm definitely taking her for a walk tomorrow afternoon.