Friday, July 16, 2010

Panic Mode

I HATE panic mode. I hate it because I lose all control of myself. Yesterday morning, I hit panic mode. The night before, we came home from the pool to a hot house. I thought to myself, this is was working earlier. I hear the air conditioner I go outside (mind you, both Grace and I are in our wet swimming suits with our coverups on) and check the outside unit...the fan isn't going. Great! I check the breaker box in the garage...the masterbedroom was off, so I turn it back on...I go outside...still Airtron...yadda, yadda, yadda...they have me check the outside breaker and reset it. I do it and I tell them in the conversation that I do need a person to come out and check because I have a child with a heart defect and the heat is not good for her...his last words...I'm gonna send out a technician tonight unless you call to say that it came back on...this is about 8 p.m. I hear nothing for over an hour. Poor Gracie is exhausted and falls asleep in the rapidly heating up room...I call Airtron again at 10 p.m. for an ETA...they say, "We have you scheduled for tomorrow between 6PM and 10 PM...ARE YOU SERIOUS? So, I explain to her about my child and I'm thinking about my kid and they tell me that they have no technicians...finally she says they can get someone at my house but not until after midnight...REALLY? They can come in the my fried brain thinks I can go to my mom's house for the night and spare my girl from the heat...forgot that she is FAST asleep and waking her would NOT be a GOOD I tell them okay but I want to be the FIRST one...yes they assure me. So, I open all of the windows. All ceiling fans are on high. We make it through the hot night. I gave Grace ice water several times during the night to cool her down. I get her to school so she can have AC at 7:30ish and I come home. I call Airtron again to make sure I'm first...YEP, he will call me when he's on his way but he's loading up his truck. Okay...thinking maybe 30 to 45 minutes. I get a call about 9:30ish...still no Airtron but the daycare saying Gracie threw up 3 times...I burst into tears...CRAP...It's my fault that I didn't wake her up or make Airtron come after midnight...the fools still haven't called...I'm a bit overwhelmed. My sister calls I can't say one word because I keep I call Airtron and ask them and tell them, my kid is sick...probably because she slept in a hot room and ya'll were supposed to come last night and didn't and you should have been here at 8 am fixing the problem...(OH did I mention I had paid over $1700 for a 10 year maintanance plan?) so they wanna know how long it's going to take me to pick up my sick child when they could have already been at my house and done (because when they did come it was a fuse and it took about 30 minutes!) I pick up my girl and they come like 5 minutes after we get home.

It was such a frustrating day that later on Grace had a major meltdown because she couldn't watch Yo Gabba Gabba. It was one of those days. I probably needed that cry and I probably should have finished has been one heck of a roller coaster ride summer emotionally and I don't know if I really have emotionally have come to terms with everything that has happened. It's days like these that I question my sanity it becoming a single mom. But it's days like today when everything goes well that assures you that you are doing okay as a single parent. Nothing beats one of those days or the hug or kiss from your child.

I only have 2 more weeks of vacation left. I promised myself that I was going to take care of myself and be a better librarian this year. I also am considering working on my won't come to pass until next year...the program is in its planning stages. Don't know what advancement it would bring me but I think the whole idea of lifelong learning is exciting.


Single Women Adopting Children said...

Oh my....thinking of you and Grace in the heat. Not sure where you live but I have been in both CA and UT this past week's hot!

Good for you for going for your doctorate.....aim high! I got mine before Mila but- I know it does open doors and means more opportunities.

Hang in there!