40

I turned 40 on Friday.  It came and went without a whole lot of hoopla.  It was because of me that I didn't want anyone to fuss.  I was never afraid of turning 40 because frankly there is no going over the hill...life is always about ups and downs in the hills of life.  I actually think as I am getting older, I am getting wiser, despite sleep deprivation. 

The day before I tuarned 40 I got some news that I wasn't ready to hear.  Gracie had a blue spell earlier in the week...enough of turning blue and breathing funny that her teacher called, which is VERY rare.  I, of course, was out of pocket being part of testing so I missed the calls.  She was okay but it was alarming for me.  We saw our cardiologist Thursday and we had a long discussion about my girl...she struggles a lot more than before with her stamina...when she gets sick (which she was for most of February and didn't get over it until spring break) it really takes its toll, especially in her oxygen saturation levels...she is overall a lot more bluer than before.  The decision was made to do a heart catherization and try to close up the fenestration.  The scary part is that if it cannot be closed due to high pulmonary pressures (which is what she had as a result of the fontan), most likely we will be facing heart transplanation.  I knew the T word was a possibility in the far off future, not just this close.  I am still dealing with that shock.  I think I realized how concerned he was when he called the cath cardiologist, discussed my girl right then and there and then called the scheduling nurse to set up the appointment for ASAP...and we weren't able to register for dance class in the summer.  I thought to myself, "Holy cow!  I can't believe we are back on this roller coaster ride, yet again."  I pray that they are able to successfully close the fenestration and that there will be no effusion as a result.  I pray that she gets pinker and her o2 sats increase.  I have to try to keep a positive mind and be strong for her so that she won't be scared.  She is a miracle girl.  She continually surprises me.  She has a strong spirit and she really is my super girl. 

So, on April 10th, if you get a chance, say a little prayer for my Gracie that everything goes well and for God's healing on her little heart.