Sunday, September 02, 2007

So, when will it be my turn?

Three teachers...count them three oh wait four, if you include a male teacher whose wife is expecting are having babies this Spring. So, yes, I'm feeling a little whiny! When is it MY TURN? I waited longer than all of them. It's not fair, fair, fair! Okay, deep breath, I have it out of my system, (I think...probably until the baby showers and then I'm going to feel all whiny again). So this is what I think...if they are all getting their babies in 08, then so am I gosh darnit. I think what bothers me is the "I'm so excited for all the pregnant people" from everybody around and then they look at me, ask the dreaded question of when and give you this sad, pathetic look when you tell them you don't know, it's taking longer than expected. It's the pity look I think that hurts worse than the words. So, this is what I want to tell people, but honestly, I don't know if I have it in me because I think it would come out offensive to them. Here it is..."Thank you for caring about me and my child. I know that you care, but your questions and pity looks are a reminder of my wait which is hard enough. I have to put on my happy face and tell myself everyday that it's not in my time but in God's time, but you know, I am human and it really sucks that my wait keeps increasing and increasing. I struggle everyday and sometimes I don't even want to think about my daughter who is waiting for me in China because I don't have her physically with me. If you know you have something important in another place and you couldn't get it right away, wouldn't it be torture for you, especially if people keep bringing it up and you know there is nothing that you can do? So please, for my own sanity, please don't ask me anymore. If I hear anything, you can better believe that I'm going to be shouting it from the rooftops." I know we are all trying to keep our happy faces on and we don't want to hear the negative. I know I don't do especially well hearing the gloom and doom. I really do try to be positive. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't said anything to anyone. Hindsight is 20-20. I will make it as well all of us who are waiting. We get it and we have each other to cry with. So, I am going to pick myself up now from my pity party, raise a toast to all of us (with soymilk) and say, "We will be getting our children sooner than we expect!" Cheers ya'll


Sandy said...

I hear ya Jamie! I've been having a pity party all weekend over this endless wait. Sometimes it's just to hard to be positive all the time.

Hanging in there with ya!