Boy, Oprah can sure make me cry!

I don't know if it's been everything that has been going on or the book that I was reading (Notes from a Midnight Driver by Jordan Sonnenblick) but today's Oprah (which was a rerun) about the boy she couldn't forget got me boo-hooing! Geez, all it took was the look in one of the boy's eyes and how he was upset with his parent for selling him into slavery and tears were pouring down my face. By the time Oprah was over, my face was all blotchy, tear-stained and my nose was running like a sieve. The episode made me incredibly sad.

My mom got sick and I took her to the doctor and got her meds. The stress caused by the situation surroundig my grandparents (her parents) has really gotten to her. Actually, everybody is like a cat with their hackles up (arched back, hair straight up). I can only pray it gets better. We spent 5 hours at the lawyer's office yesterday and yep, I'm pretty much sick about hearing it. I definitely need a vacation from my summer vacation.

You know, I said I wasn't going to check out rumor sites but I couldn't help myself. I read some of the stuff but I was actually okay. People are saying 2 years wait. Miracles do happen and I believe in them.

Things happen when you're least expecting it!

I don't know if you all knew that my assistant, Shannon and I actually made a video and applied for the Amazing Race. Well, we hadn't heard a peep. Guess what? NO...The Amazing Race didn't call but someone from another CBS show did call me as a potential candidate. WOW! I was interviewed and I'm not quite sure how it went, only that I was my usual goofy self. We'll see. If I hear something, I'll let ya'll know.

You have to see Evan Almighty. I took my dad to it this afternoon. It was a fantastic movie and the message really hit home for me. God says to Evan's wife that when you pray for something like patience, do you really think you're suddenly going to be patient or are you going to be given an opportunity to practice it? It was a good thought and lesson for me. This wait is my practice in patience (because God knows how often I have prayed for it). I should be VERY patient when I get Grace. So, the lesson here (and I got it from a Steve Carrell movie, go figure) is that this wait is our opportunity to practice and learn patience so we'll be patient parents. Yea!

Next Verse Same as the First

Can I just say how tired of hearing about how horrible my one aunt is (see you can even see that my dog Hope is tired of it too)? Yes, she and her husband did something horrible but I'm tired of hearing over and over from my other aunts and uncle the same things over and over again. We went over to my grandparents' house on Friday because the bad aunt was going to drop off my grandfather. It had been said by adult protective services that he said he wanted to live with my grandmother. We (my parents, sister, uncle and adult protective services) were there I guess as witnesses and to make sure it went smoothly. Guess what? It didn't. It was like I was in the middle of a Jerry Springer episode. End result: my grandfather (who definitely isn't in his right mind) got riled up (he has been brainwashed by my bad aunt and her husband...not just saying this, he's not acting like the man I grew up to know as my grandfather), decided to leave my grandmother again and left with the bad aunt and her husband AND we all get to go to court over who is going to be guardians of my grandparents (even though my uncle has power of attorney). So, four out of 5 siblings will be going to a lawyer to represent them against the bad aunt and her husband. There are lots of other things that I won't bore you with but let me just say that I am so very sad for my grandparents, especially my grandmother. When my grandfather left she leaned over and asked me where he was going (my grandmother sometimes isn't so with it). I told her he was going to live with that aunt and her husband. She said, "He doesn't want to live with me?" I had to tell her no. She just sighed and I asked her if it hurt her feelings that he didn't want to stay and she said yes but that he was very independent and had his own thoughts and mind and if that made him happy then so be it. I wanted to cry. She is one cool chick.

My 13 month anniversary is today. So, I'm praying for a speedup still. I can't believe that I've made it this far. I have to admit that sometimes I have to look at other countries like Ethiopia and Zambia and I think, "I could get my child in still a shorter amount of time than in China." I have to shake that off because I know that my Gracie is in China. I know it's my restless impatience to have my child is "making" me do this. I might have another child in one of those other countries at another time. Not now. I'm not giving up. I'm going to be patient. I still am saying and I'm sure that you all are sick of me saying this but here it goes: May 06 LIDers in 2007!

Lucky People

I was watching 20/20 yesterday evening and the topic was what made people lucky. It seems that if you truly believe you are lucky and tend to be more positive and optimistic, then it is more likely that you will have good luck. It seems that by having this mindset, you are more open to attracting good or lucky things (sounds kind of like "The Secret" huh?). I do consider myself very blessed and lucky. I do tend to drive people nuts with my perky, upbeat personality. But you know what? I AM lucky. Therefore, it is my belief that my lucky streak will continue and the May 2006 LIDers will get their referrals THIS year. I do understand that people like to look at data and draw logical conclusions and they don't want to get their hopes up only be to disappointed, but I'm going to be positive for them too. My life is not going to be at stake if I continue to believe in this, hope for this. I believe!

On a different note, my grandfather is now in the hospital with a blood clot. He says he wants to go back home. It seems that it hit the proverbial fan yesterday when the adult protective services got involved and found out that my aunt and her husband really didn't have the legal power of attorney and the doctors have now spoken and it seems that things might be going back to where they were originally and there are possible "kidnapping" charges being considered. I hope it doesn't get to that. I think that's where it becomes vindictive. I think it's become a battle of the siblings and they are not thinking what's best for their parents, my grandparents. We'll see. I'm just praying for them and I thank all of you who have been praying for me and my family. You guys rock!

Family Drama Update

I'm so thankful for many things. One of the main things that I am thankful for is that I am on summer vacation. I definitely have needed this break to help my mom deal with her family's drama. Let's see...my grandparents both are older and aren't able to take care of themselves. My mom is the oldest of 5 children. My mom is 67 and isn't physically able to care for them. One of my aunt's has been taking care of both of my grandparents during the day and other people are coming in on the weekends and evenings to take care of them (everybody including my aunt is being paid...this is my aunt's primary job). So, basically, the money is running out. While my grandmother was in the hospital, another aunt and her husband decided that my grandfather doesn't have enough money left to pay everybody who takes care of them and that my grandmother needs to be a in a nursing home and that they would take care of my grandfather (who is also not in his right mind and needs 24 hour care). They convinced my grandfather of this and he told my grandmother that she is going to the nursing home and he was going to live with my other aunt and her husband. They (my grandfather, aunt and uncle) have closed all accounts and gave my uncle (who is NOT even related to my grandfather) power of attorney. So, basically there is no money to pay for my grandmother's caregivers. She's back at home! It's a horrible thing that that aunt and uncle are doing. I do agree that my grandparents need specialized 24 hour nursing home care but this isn't the way to accomplish it. In fact my mother, real uncle and another aunt suggested this a while back when we realized my grandmother needed 24 hour care.

So, bottom line, I'm glad that I'm on break to help support my mom. In a way, God knows that it wasn't a good time for Grace to come into my life because I need to be here to help my mom.

But, I'm still praying that my Gracie will be home for Christmas! May 2006 LID in 2007!

Very Sad News

It has been an emotionally draining weekend. My grandmother was put into the hospital again. It's like she's not even in this world anymore. She just wants to sleep. This wasn't the worse thing though. Yesterday I was supposed to go to my assistant, Shannon's daughter's graduation party. (sidenote: couldn't go because my grandmother was being admitted into the hospital). I got a call today and it turns out that Shannon's mom passed away in her sleep. It seems that she didn't show up to the party either and Shannon's husband went to check on her because she wasn't answering her phone. He found her still in bed. I knew Shannon's mom well. She used to be a teacher at our school and retired a few years ago. In fact, I spoke to her on the phone Friday. She was strong, tough (raised two children on her own and lived through the trauma of her son's murder), smart, saavy, cool, funny...just a class act. She was in her mid to late sixties but looked like she was in her 50s. My heart is breaking for Shannon. She is truly now the last of the mohicans (she was the only one left on her side of the family). She was super close to her mom. The whole family was going to go camping to S. Padre for one last big family trip before her daughter left for college. I'm sad for her daughter to always remember her graduation party the day her grandmother passed. Amy will be missed very much. She is in a way better place than us. It's ironic that Shannon and I were talking about death on Friday. We passed a mortuary on the way back from lunch and she said that she wouldn't want to work there not because of the dead but because of how sad the living are.

I called Shannon this evening to check on her. It was a short and hard conversation. I didn't know what to say since I haven't been in this situation. I told her I would take care of work tomorrow and that I would let people know at school. I asked her if she needed anything and that I was praying for her and was thinking of her and that I was so sorry. It was so awkward. We're really like two peas in a pod and we finish each other's sentences. It was too weird not to say anything to each other. I know she's in shock and is hurting greatly. I wish I could ease the pain but I know I can't. I can only pray that God gives her the strength to carry on and take it day by day.