Sixteen months and Bad Rumors

It has now been sixteen months since I have been logged in for Grace. A wait that was originally projected at a year continues to expand. I know in the end it will be worth it. I just take it a day at a time and pray for patience and a speedup. I really hope that it doesn't go over 24 months.

I have started reading RQ again and now the buzz is that an American agency is getting their referrals way ahead of everybody else. People are debating on how it should be handled. I agree that it is unethical, if this is the case. And it does suck if it is the case. However, I have to remind myself that not all people are ethical in the word and we've seen this sort of behavior in international adoption in other countries. I guess many of us who are adopting from China believed, hoped, that it wouldn't happen there. We have been told that it's a predictable process and that's one of the reasons so many of us adopt from China. Is there anything we can do? What would be the possible outcomes if we caused an inquisition? Does China really care? Should the agencies be the one to police this? I don't have an answer. Getting upset over something like this really is a waste of energy for me because the only person it affects would be me. I have no control over that situation. I have better things to freak out over. It should be interesting to see how this situation plays out. Will it impact future adoptions from China for those of us waiting? Who knows, but I for one know my daughter is in China and I'll be reuinted with her at the right time.

The Moldy Library

I don't know if I already told ya'll this but it is now official: my library has mold. Well, we knew that but finally Central Office believes us. It took the mold guy to say so. Before, it was just the allergens outside making us sick. But, even though they have admitted it, you know it will take ages for them to fix the problem. According to them, it's a design problem. Actually, it's the brainiac who put the humidity censor in our office (which was 4 years ago) and when the doors are closed, it doesn't sense the humidity level in the actual library and so it doesn't cool because it thinks it's peachy because it is only sensing my office. It was fine when they messed with the Air Conditioning three years ago. Oh well. The bad thing is that we've been getting headaches and stuffiness as a result of the mold. Right now, I'm pretty bad off with the stuffy nose and sore throat. It's especially bad this year (actual mold on the books) because we had a very rainy summer and they kept the air conditioner off. Again...Central Office has a bunch of BRILLIANT people making great decisions. Let's hope they get it together.

On a brighter note, Diane, my awesome Waiting Buddy, sent me the coolest lady bug sun catcher and rolling bug. I also saw a ladybug on my trash can yesterday morning. I was so excited. I left him/her alone and I hope that it will bring a speedup and a big ol batch of referrals.

Prepping for the Homestudy Update

I'm getting ready for my homestudy update. I have an appointment on September 24th. I was checking out my house and thinking, "Boy, I need to get this place together again." So, that is what I'll be doing. I don't know how things accumulate, but they do. I know that when I become a mom, it'll compound even faster. I'll also be sending in my paperwork to renew my I-171 H. It expires in October. I'm hoping this that this will be the only time I'll renew. I've spoken to my referral counselor and she seems to be optimistic that it'll be around 2 years or a bit more. I'm going to be optimistic and pray and wish for that. I have bunches of people praying for that and I believe in the power of prayer.

On a brighter note, I'm going to Disneyland with my niece in October. I'm so excited. We're going for a Thursday through Saturday. Yippee. I am a big ol kid. I can't wait for Space Mountain!

Stork Landings and Time Frames

I really do love stork landings. I love to read people's blogs and share their joy in getting their precious referrals. I like to live vicariously through them because it gives me hope knowing that one day it will be me waiting for the call, posting my referral on this blog. It's exciting. So, here is my hope...not my miracle hope, but my hope...the wait stays about 21 to 24 months and not much more. I really would love for it to get shorter and I still pray for that (that would be my miracle request)...but 21 to 24 months, I think it's something I can try to deal with. It will be frustrating but in the end, so very worth it. Yeah, and I think I am going to light some candles and do some novenas.

On a brighter note, I lost 4.8 lbs my first week on Weight Watchers. Yea for me.

So, when will it be my turn?

Three teachers...count them three oh wait four, if you include a male teacher whose wife is expecting are having babies this Spring. So, yes, I'm feeling a little whiny! When is it MY TURN? I waited longer than all of them. It's not fair, fair, fair! Okay, deep breath, I have it out of my system, (I think...probably until the baby showers and then I'm going to feel all whiny again). So this is what I think...if they are all getting their babies in 08, then so am I gosh darnit. I think what bothers me is the "I'm so excited for all the pregnant people" from everybody around and then they look at me, ask the dreaded question of when and give you this sad, pathetic look when you tell them you don't know, it's taking longer than expected. It's the pity look I think that hurts worse than the words. So, this is what I want to tell people, but honestly, I don't know if I have it in me because I think it would come out offensive to them. Here it is..."Thank you for caring about me and my child. I know that you care, but your questions and pity looks are a reminder of my wait which is hard enough. I have to put on my happy face and tell myself everyday that it's not in my time but in God's time, but you know, I am human and it really sucks that my wait keeps increasing and increasing. I struggle everyday and sometimes I don't even want to think about my daughter who is waiting for me in China because I don't have her physically with me. If you know you have something important in another place and you couldn't get it right away, wouldn't it be torture for you, especially if people keep bringing it up and you know there is nothing that you can do? So please, for my own sanity, please don't ask me anymore. If I hear anything, you can better believe that I'm going to be shouting it from the rooftops." I know we are all trying to keep our happy faces on and we don't want to hear the negative. I know I don't do especially well hearing the gloom and doom. I really do try to be positive. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't said anything to anyone. Hindsight is 20-20. I will make it as well all of us who are waiting. We get it and we have each other to cry with. So, I am going to pick myself up now from my pity party, raise a toast to all of us (with soymilk) and say, "We will be getting our children sooner than we expect!" Cheers ya'll

I'm a Big 'Ol Slacker

Hi, my name is Jamie and I'm a big ol slacker. But I have finally come back to my senses even though this is the first week back to school (which is very hectic and crazy especially with sixth graders wandering aimlessly throughout the school because they are lost and unsure of where they are supposed to go and don't even know when it's time to leave or how to even leave the building). Today I wrote my check to my agency with my renewal contract so that I can get my homestudy updated. I will mail it first thing tomorrow. I have already had my physical (I got the results today and basically I'm still in good health but I need to lay off the sweets and breads and exercise more thus started Weight Watchers yesterday and joined a gym to up my exercise of walking Hope). My next step is beginning the renewal process of the lovely I-171H. I know that I will NOT have to renew again. I keep saying that...it's a new mantra for me.

I can't believe that it has been 15 months since LID. Time really has flown by fast. I'm thinking it will keep whizzing by and it will soon be time for me to get Grace. There is still a small part of me hoping for this year but it's teeny tiny when you look at stats. But, you know, stranger things have happened.

Tomorrow, Shannon and I are going to see Def Leppard and she got our seats upgraded to a box. Yippee! I'm so excited...I'm going out on a school night. I might not feel so excited on Friday morning though.

Frustrations

I don't know about those of you who are waiting, like me, but aren't you get frustrated with people asking when over and over and over after you have already told them you don't know? And then they say, "It's taking too long!" Okay, first of all, THEY aren't the ones waiting to be the parent. Can they get that if it's frustrating for them then how frustrating it must be for the people waiting? I'm really polite but I'm really tired of rehashing and explaining the whole process. I'm glad they are excited but I'm tired of the questions right now. I'm under a lot of stress already with the new regime at my school. It seems that I'm in a constant battle with our relatively new AP who now thinks he's God and that he's always right and hasn't a clue of what the library needs to do and what our role really is (he's only 30, first time AP (assistant principal...only been with us since April or May and his only education experience is an upper and upper middle class middle school...we're a blue collar school). Anyways, I just wanted to vent and now I feel better. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Back to Work

This week I am back at work. I was glad to be back to get away from family drama, but I'm sad my summer has come to an end. We have a new principal and 18 new teachers! Wow! I think one of our new teachers, I taught her in 5th grade (actually I was the student teacher, but same thing!) I always thought it was weird that I worked with some of my former teachers (I still work with my 8th grade English teacher) but now I feel OLD! Oh well. The rain is causing MAJOR leaks in the school's roof that just got replaced this summer. Lucky for me that my library is okay (it had been leaking before).

My grandparents are in the nursing home. I think it's been an okay adjustment. My grandmother told me she wants to go home. We went to visit this weekend and it was tough seeing them there. I can understand why some people don't go visit their loved ones there because not only is it sad, it's because you feel horrible and guilty that you couldn't care for them yourself and they lost their independence and can't stay in their own home. I know this is the best thing for them care-wise, but I can't help but feel sad. I think I'll be going again this weekend. My mom is having a super hard time with this as well.

So, I'm getting closer to 15 months of waiting. People are still asking me "When is that baby coming already?" I have to just smile and sigh and say that am hoping soon and then I have to explain everything. Sometimes I wish I had a video or recording so I wouldn't have to go over it so many times. Geez. I need to find a humorous answer so I won't feel so frustrated.

A Wild Hair

I had an interesting evening that ended with a wild hair that I hope will bring me and other waiting families luck that the wait will get better. My friend, D, has a friend who works for the WNBA and we were able to go to the game tonight, courtesy of this friend. We had FLOOR seats that were awesome. Our hometown team won! Yippee! It was close though. Then, on the way home, I got this wild hair. I decided to go get a tattoo of a ladybug on my instep. I know it sounds crazy but I have been chewing in this for a while. D had just said she kept seeing ladybugs everywhere and it really got me thinking so I thought, why not now? It's teeny tiny and it's in a place that it's not on display. It didn't take long and it didn't hurt too much. So, hopefully it will bring us all luck.

Feed Me Seymour!

Today I went with my best friend, Sandra to Ikea to buy these bags for her math teachers. I have to say, she has one of THE BEST babies in the world. Holly is super sweet. She is a good passenger in the car. She is only 3 1/2 months old. As we were leaving, the hunger hit her hard and fast. She turned 10 different shades of red as she let us know that she was starving! Poor Sandra was working as fast as she could to check out and get Holly's bottle warmed up. She did it but as we were driving home she said she was embarassed that people were staring at her. She didn't do anything wrong. She was very calm and she was trying to calm her baby as well, but we all know that sometimes babies are just too upset to calm down right away (just like big people! heck when I'm hungry I want food right then and I get grumpy too!) It made me think, that's probably going to happen to me too. So, I am getting read to gear myself up for stares of people when my child has a meltdown in public. I think I should start reading up on the topic.

I also found out today that my grandparents are going into the nursing home on Thursday. I visited with my grandmother on Sunday and I know this is going to devestate her. Unfortunately, this is the kind of care she needs. I hear my grandfather knows and my friend Denise has already warned me to be prepared for his wrath of anger because he is losing his independence. I'll be there Thursday. I'm not sure I want to but my mom asked and I will always try to support her.

The stork landings and my liver in a quiver

The stork landed yesterday. I have to confess that I am back to checking out RQs site. I don't know if I am taking everything said seriously...more like with a grain of salt. I love her site most when she posts the blogs of those who get their babies. I love, LOVE, to see their beautiful little faces. Some look sweet, some have that mischievous sparkle in their eyes, some look very serious and some have that dreamy look. I love to check out their clothing and hairstyles. It used to be very bittersweet for me (I was sad it wasn't me but happy for those who got their children) but now it's like hope for me. It makes me happy and I can for a second imagine myself on that day (soon! it will be sooner than we all think) waiting to get "The Call" and seeing Grace for the first time. If I'm crying for other people, I can only imagine how I'm going to be. Geez. But congrats to all those families seeing their childrens' faces.

You're probably wondering about the liver in a quiver thing. On the cruise, I got acupuncture to help my headaches (and it was a little late but it helped my seasickness as well as my headaches). The actupuncturist was telling me that all the diet sodas and other junk I was eating was damaging my liver and that was part of the reason I was having headaches. So, now everytime I see a soda I hear his voice and it literally puts my liver into a quiver! I wanted to have a soda today and started drinking one but it didn't taste good! He told me a good alternative was kambucha tea (I know I misspelled it but that's okay). I got the citrus one and basically it tastes like Fresca but with vinegar or it tastes like Alka Seltzer! Yuck! Guess I'm going back to iced tea and water! Oh well.

I'm posting my favorite picture from the trip. My mom and the fruit lady in Jamaica. It cracks me up!

Back from the Caribbean

Sunday I got home from the 7 night cruise to Jamaica, Grand Caymans and Cozumel. I had a good time overall. The bad thing was that I had sea sickness the whole time. Who would have thought as I am the daredevil girl in the family who loves roller coasters and all that jazz. I wish I could go back to Jamaica and Cozumel and stay and explore longer. I have also learned that it's hard to cruise with your parents who have their own issues (dad can't see in one eye and mom gets sick from the heat) so I was severely limited on what I could do. I also had to sleep on a top bunk attached to the wall. I got some great things. I did get to finish reading Harry Potter and I loved it! It was fun to talk to other passengers about the book. I will have to post pictures from the trip. The weather was warm but at least it wasn't raining. I heard it rained here the whole time. I also heard that they may not make it very far again in referrals for August. Oh well.

Update on the familia

I haven't posted about what has been going on in my family (my grandparents' situation) because it has been kind of in debate but recently it has been settled through mediation. Let's hope it sticks. I'm sad about the outcome, but I know it will be for the best. My grandparents will be going into a nursing home. My aunts and uncles are withdrawing their complaints to the state about my grandparents' care. There is still a lot of anger on the parts of a couple of my aunts and uncles but at least they are finally trying to do what is best for my grandparents. I'm glad they (my grandparents will be together) but I'm sad that it is in a nursing home. They can't care for themselves and their children are older and can't care for them (heck, I'm helping my parents out so I get it). I'm praying that the peace will stay for a while now.

I have to say that daytime TV has been a little bit disturbing. Does Maury Povich have anything else as a topic except the Who's Your Daddy/paternity tests? My goodness, these women/girls have been there multiple times looking for the correct DNA. Does that bother anybody else but me? Geez louise. In order to adopt as a single woman, I had to reveal a lot of personal, intimate information to my social worker in order to be approved. These girls are just popping out babies and they don't know who the daddy is. It is so sad that seems to be going on and nobody thinks twice about it. Times are a changing.

On a brighter note, I'm excited because I will be leaving this weekend for the Caribbean. Yippee! I plan on reading the whole week (Harry Potter is coming out on Saturday) and siteseeing when we pull into the various ports. Hope is going to doggie daycare/overnight camp. I hope it goes well for her.

Guess I won't be having my 15 minutes of fame after all

It has been one roller coaster week. Monday, as you know, I was notified that I had made it to the next round of interviews. I was on Cloud 9. I came crashing down when the producer e-mailed me the agreement that I had to sign before I could proceed (you had to sign before the interview, even though I had already been interviewed already). It was basically in another language but I was able to decode it with the help of my friend's mom. The bottom line is that when you sign these agreements, you basically sign away all of your rights. The company/network owns you and they can portray you in any way they see fit. I understand that this is a standard sort of contract/agreement. After really thinking about it, I had to politely decline the offer (even though part of me still wanted to do it) because I didn't want anything to come back and bite me in the proverbial booty. I have too much to lose (i.e. adoption and my job). I know I made the right decision. So, you won't be seeing me on TV. It's probably better. I have this feeling they would have made me, the sweet librarian into some sleazy vixen which is silly.

Tomorrow is the court date. I hear my aunt finally got served (she had everything closed up tighter than a tick). I'm praying it goes well and the judge makes the best decision for my grandparents.

On a brighter note, I get to leave for the Caribbean in a week. I'm going on a cruise for a whole week. YEA!

Transformers, Court, and Dallas here I come...

Yeah, you're probably wondering about this entry's title. My mind is a jumbled mess right now. So, I guess I need to start at the beginning (suddenly, The Sound of Music Do Rey Mi just popped into my head...it's my A-D-D). I spent today helping my aunt take my grandmother to the foot doctor. I don't know how she does it on her own. That wheel chair seriously stressed my triceps (at least I think so). They are already sore from taking it in and out of the car. I have a lot more respect for her for what she does. She really does a good job taking care of her and I know how incredibly hard it must be that it's your own mother. We are going to court on Thursday and I found out today that the aunt that "kidnapped" my grandfather has locked up her gate so that they cannot be served court papers. They know about the hearing because they took my grandfather to visit my grandmother at my grandparents' house (where my grandmother is living) and according to the lady who stays with my grandmother, they (my aunt, her husband and my cousin) were nosing around my grandmother's house and they were checking out the papers that had been served to my grandmother. According to my aunt who is the primary caregiver of my grandmother, my grandmother is pretty ticked off at my grandfather and is calling him an old fart and that it will come back and bite him in the butt. So...because of all the stress today, my sister, her kids and I went to see Transformers this evening. That has been my favorite movie of the summer thus far. It was so action packed. I absolutely loved it. A line that hit home for me was when the Josh Duhamel character says that a perfect day for him is when he finally gets to hold his daughter for the first time (I totally can relate to that line...I think most of us can who are waiting for our children). It was really good. See that movie and definitely do not waste your money on Licensed to Wed (YUCK!) Now, here comes the next connection, Dallas. I just got home from the movies and I get a phone call. It's California and they want me to come to Dallas because I have made it to the next round for that new game show. I really would rather fly than make that 4 to 5 hour drive from where I live, but it'll cost me about $220 roundtrip. I'm really not wanting to do that. So...it looks like I'll probably be driving to Dallas on Sunday. I'm going to see if I can talk my friend D into coming with me because I really don't want to drive by myself. So, if things go well on Sunday, you might see me on TV this fall. We'll see!

Peach & Berry Picking

My best friend, her baby girl Holly, and I went to Fredericksburg to go blackberry and peach picking. It's not my normal thing but I had a blast. I had no idea that peach picking was hard. You have to really check out the peach looking at its color, making sure it doesn't have yucky stuff or isn't too hard. There are these bees or something seriously buzzing all around dive bombing you. Sandra found a gorgeous peach and on it was a ladybug. It's a good sign. I'm one day closer to my daughter.

We're out of Review!

YEE-HAW! May 2006 is out of review...Congrats my fellow May DTCers. It's one step closer to our children. My next step is contacting my agency and getting my homestudy updated so I can renew my I-171 paperwork. Can ya'll see the light at the end of the tunnel?

I tried to post yesterday but my connection was not working with me. I hope everybody had a great 4th of July (Happy Late B.day America!) As I got older, it became one of my favorite holidays because I was able to spend it with my favorite people, this year, my parents, sister, niece and nephews. I BBQed burgers and hot dogs and made ice cream with the assistance of my niece. I figured out last night that the reason why I loved the fourth so much is because it means family and I love mine very much. My dad even mentioned that he hopes that maybe next year there will be a little one running around the back porch. I hope so too, daddy. I really hope so.

Boy, Oprah can sure make me cry!

I don't know if it's been everything that has been going on or the book that I was reading (Notes from a Midnight Driver by Jordan Sonnenblick) but today's Oprah (which was a rerun) about the boy she couldn't forget got me boo-hooing! Geez, all it took was the look in one of the boy's eyes and how he was upset with his parent for selling him into slavery and tears were pouring down my face. By the time Oprah was over, my face was all blotchy, tear-stained and my nose was running like a sieve. The episode made me incredibly sad.

My mom got sick and I took her to the doctor and got her meds. The stress caused by the situation surroundig my grandparents (her parents) has really gotten to her. Actually, everybody is like a cat with their hackles up (arched back, hair straight up). I can only pray it gets better. We spent 5 hours at the lawyer's office yesterday and yep, I'm pretty much sick about hearing it. I definitely need a vacation from my summer vacation.

You know, I said I wasn't going to check out rumor sites but I couldn't help myself. I read some of the stuff but I was actually okay. People are saying 2 years wait. Miracles do happen and I believe in them.

Things happen when you're least expecting it!

I don't know if you all knew that my assistant, Shannon and I actually made a video and applied for the Amazing Race. Well, we hadn't heard a peep. Guess what? NO...The Amazing Race didn't call but someone from another CBS show did call me as a potential candidate. WOW! I was interviewed and I'm not quite sure how it went, only that I was my usual goofy self. We'll see. If I hear something, I'll let ya'll know.

You have to see Evan Almighty. I took my dad to it this afternoon. It was a fantastic movie and the message really hit home for me. God says to Evan's wife that when you pray for something like patience, do you really think you're suddenly going to be patient or are you going to be given an opportunity to practice it? It was a good thought and lesson for me. This wait is my practice in patience (because God knows how often I have prayed for it). I should be VERY patient when I get Grace. So, the lesson here (and I got it from a Steve Carrell movie, go figure) is that this wait is our opportunity to practice and learn patience so we'll be patient parents. Yea!

Next Verse Same as the First

Can I just say how tired of hearing about how horrible my one aunt is (see you can even see that my dog Hope is tired of it too)? Yes, she and her husband did something horrible but I'm tired of hearing over and over from my other aunts and uncle the same things over and over again. We went over to my grandparents' house on Friday because the bad aunt was going to drop off my grandfather. It had been said by adult protective services that he said he wanted to live with my grandmother. We (my parents, sister, uncle and adult protective services) were there I guess as witnesses and to make sure it went smoothly. Guess what? It didn't. It was like I was in the middle of a Jerry Springer episode. End result: my grandfather (who definitely isn't in his right mind) got riled up (he has been brainwashed by my bad aunt and her husband...not just saying this, he's not acting like the man I grew up to know as my grandfather), decided to leave my grandmother again and left with the bad aunt and her husband AND we all get to go to court over who is going to be guardians of my grandparents (even though my uncle has power of attorney). So, four out of 5 siblings will be going to a lawyer to represent them against the bad aunt and her husband. There are lots of other things that I won't bore you with but let me just say that I am so very sad for my grandparents, especially my grandmother. When my grandfather left she leaned over and asked me where he was going (my grandmother sometimes isn't so with it). I told her he was going to live with that aunt and her husband. She said, "He doesn't want to live with me?" I had to tell her no. She just sighed and I asked her if it hurt her feelings that he didn't want to stay and she said yes but that he was very independent and had his own thoughts and mind and if that made him happy then so be it. I wanted to cry. She is one cool chick.

My 13 month anniversary is today. So, I'm praying for a speedup still. I can't believe that I've made it this far. I have to admit that sometimes I have to look at other countries like Ethiopia and Zambia and I think, "I could get my child in still a shorter amount of time than in China." I have to shake that off because I know that my Gracie is in China. I know it's my restless impatience to have my child is "making" me do this. I might have another child in one of those other countries at another time. Not now. I'm not giving up. I'm going to be patient. I still am saying and I'm sure that you all are sick of me saying this but here it goes: May 06 LIDers in 2007!