Ladybug sightings and Yellowjackets

Today, my mom called me and said that she had a ladybug in her lap. Then my best friend called me later to say that she had one in her car. Double yea! Last but not least, I found a penny heads up on the sidewalk on my daily walk with my dog and mom. Triple luck! Could this be a sign of good things to come? I certainly hope so.

Of course, my luck was briefly marred by my encounter with a yellow jacket in my bathroom. I am telling on myself big time. In fact it's embarassing but funny at the same time. I was in the bathroom, doing what we do in the bathroom, when I felt something on my ponytail. Well, what do you do when this thing keeps bugging you...you swat at it, which led me to realizing that it was a yellow jacket. It gave me a mini sting on my thumb and proceeded park itself on my chones (underwear in spanish) around my ankles. All I could think about was getting stung in personal places and I began to panic. So, when you panic, you try to flick it off your drawers. I thought I was successful and as I was pulling them up, an electric needle prick burned into my upper thigh. A high pitch strangled scream was reverberating off the bathroom walls...I realized it was coming from me. I knocked that yellow jacket to the floor with my magazine and boy did I squish it. I didn't once think about Bee Movie...I had to squish it. I have never shimmied out of my jeans so fast as I sprinted to put some comfrey leaf salve on it. I now have a small red spot that's a bit sore, courtesy of a yellow jacket. I'm sure it'll teach him to bother a person in the bathroom again.

So, here's hoping that the ladybugs bring us all luck! Happy Thanksgiving to all. May you have many blessings!

One More Week and then VACATION

I just got back from the Spurs game and they were killing the Bucks (poor Bucks...I didn't know they had a player from China). There was this cute little girl and her father sitting behind us (my friend got us seats in a superbox which was SUPER COOL) and it reminded me of when my dad used to take me to the Spurs game when I was little. It was a nice distraction.

Turkey Day aka Thanksgiving is my FAVORITE holiday. I can't wait. I have dreams of turkey, stuffing, rolls, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and PUMPKIN PIE! My mom is hosting and I'm cooking. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE cooking this meal and I'm so excited that I get to. The sad thing is that my family is split so I probably won't get to see my grandparents (one of my aunt's is taking them to their friend's house) and my uncle is going somewhere else, and my other two aunts, who knows where they'll go (both are unmarried...one lives elsewhere). Frankly, because of all of the drama and things that have been revealed about them (i.e. my aunt putting my grandparents' stuff in storage only to take it out and sell it without permission from my grandparents!...being ugly to each other, etc., etc.) I'd rather they not come and I can share my favorite holiday with my parents, sister, her husband and their three kids and my dog Hope. It just makes it easier. I just hope that next year, which was the same wish I had last year, that my daughter will share my favorite holiday with me next year.

Gotta Love That Stork and Travel Training

The stork has landed yet again at my agency. For a supposedly small month, my agency had quite a few referrals for one LID date. What's good about it, is that the line has moved yet again. It's baby steps closer, but the key word is CLOSER! I'm very excited for everybody who received referrals. Yippee!

I went to travel training workshop this weekend. I took my parents (since my mom is going to travel). The one thing I learned that I honestly never knew was that not to wear religious jewelry because Christianity is illegal in China. I did a little research, being the information specialist that I am, and it's sort of true. Religion is controlled by the government and one must worship in approved government churches and no where else. I understand that they will not build more Christian churches even though Christianity is growing so people are gathering and worshipping in other places and thus getting in major trouble. Makes me happy that I am in a country where I can worship at home or at church and I won't get arrested. The other thing that I learned is that my agency hopes to still travel during the Olympics but will avoid Beijing.

17

Seventeen months since I have been logged in. Wow! I can't believe it. Here's to a speedup...trying to be positive.

Big Decision

This past weekend, after much, much thought, prayer and discussion with my family, I decided to apply to my agency's waiting child program. This doesn't mean that I will be referred a SN child. It just means that I have allowed this option. This wait had really opened my eyes to the program. I honestly was afraid of dealing with this as a single parent. However, after much consideration, I decided I could. Who knows what will happen. I'll continue the wait for my daughter and I'm going to love and care for her because she is that, my daughter. Honestly, a child who is labeled NSN could have an SN that is not visably apparent. So, we'll see what happens. I honestly haven't a clue.

Disneyland Adventure

A Dream is a wish your heart makes

Can I just say that Disneyland is truly one of the best places to escape? I took my 9 year old niece this past week and we whooped it up like two tween girls. We ate junk, got on rides and laughed, laughed, and laughed. It was a lot of walking, but Space Mountain is so worth it. I was able to escape from my world, into an enchanting world where everything is a bit overpriced, but it's so fun. I discovered that it truly is a small world and that the song is really annoying! We loved Mr. Toad despite the fact he ends up in h-e double hockey sticks (at least that's what we figured...we learned that driving should be done with diligence and caution!) We also found out that the Abominable Snowman is not scary but his sled is one heck of a ride. The wait for Nemo was outrageous so we decided another time to visit with the cute clownfish. It was fun visiting with various Disney characters and seeing the great shows (except The Golden Scream and High School Musical 2, Alex was bummed about them). All I know is that we all need a small break now and then and this was definitely what I needed. I'm so glad my niece thought it was cool to hang with her Aunt Jamie for a few days. I'm glad she's a tough cookie who can withstand getting soaked on Grizzly Rapids and getting a blister on her foot because of the wet socks (I brought dry clothes but not socks, duh!) I'm glad to be home but I can't wait until the next time I can escape to the world of Disney. It is the happiest place on earth.

Time keeps ticking away

Time has gone by fast. I can't believe that it has been two years since I started this process. There have been good days and bad days. This past weekend was a rough one for me. I had to go to my cousin's baby welcome home party. I spent Sunday morning in tears. I'm so sad and frustrated that I started my journey way before she did and here she is now, holding her son. I'm still waiting to hold my daughter. I know that sounds petty but that was how I was feeling. Then I started thinking about how big of a baby I'm being and that some of my fellow waiting famiies have been waiting longer and grieving more because of infertility. How selfish am I? So, I got myself together and went. It was hard, but I went. We all have our good days and our bad days. This was my bad weekend. For all of you waiting, my thoughts and prayers are with all of us that we will have the strength and patience we need to make the wait.

No referrals for my agency!

The word is that there are no referrals for my agency this round. When I think that it's going to pick up, it downshifts and gets even slower. I guess that's what I get for thinking huh? I am very happy for all of those who did receive their referrals today. They have waited 22 months to hear the magic words "You have a child!" Our day too will come. Let's hope soon.

Sixteen months and Bad Rumors

It has now been sixteen months since I have been logged in for Grace. A wait that was originally projected at a year continues to expand. I know in the end it will be worth it. I just take it a day at a time and pray for patience and a speedup. I really hope that it doesn't go over 24 months.

I have started reading RQ again and now the buzz is that an American agency is getting their referrals way ahead of everybody else. People are debating on how it should be handled. I agree that it is unethical, if this is the case. And it does suck if it is the case. However, I have to remind myself that not all people are ethical in the word and we've seen this sort of behavior in international adoption in other countries. I guess many of us who are adopting from China believed, hoped, that it wouldn't happen there. We have been told that it's a predictable process and that's one of the reasons so many of us adopt from China. Is there anything we can do? What would be the possible outcomes if we caused an inquisition? Does China really care? Should the agencies be the one to police this? I don't have an answer. Getting upset over something like this really is a waste of energy for me because the only person it affects would be me. I have no control over that situation. I have better things to freak out over. It should be interesting to see how this situation plays out. Will it impact future adoptions from China for those of us waiting? Who knows, but I for one know my daughter is in China and I'll be reuinted with her at the right time.

The Moldy Library

I don't know if I already told ya'll this but it is now official: my library has mold. Well, we knew that but finally Central Office believes us. It took the mold guy to say so. Before, it was just the allergens outside making us sick. But, even though they have admitted it, you know it will take ages for them to fix the problem. According to them, it's a design problem. Actually, it's the brainiac who put the humidity censor in our office (which was 4 years ago) and when the doors are closed, it doesn't sense the humidity level in the actual library and so it doesn't cool because it thinks it's peachy because it is only sensing my office. It was fine when they messed with the Air Conditioning three years ago. Oh well. The bad thing is that we've been getting headaches and stuffiness as a result of the mold. Right now, I'm pretty bad off with the stuffy nose and sore throat. It's especially bad this year (actual mold on the books) because we had a very rainy summer and they kept the air conditioner off. Again...Central Office has a bunch of BRILLIANT people making great decisions. Let's hope they get it together.

On a brighter note, Diane, my awesome Waiting Buddy, sent me the coolest lady bug sun catcher and rolling bug. I also saw a ladybug on my trash can yesterday morning. I was so excited. I left him/her alone and I hope that it will bring a speedup and a big ol batch of referrals.

Prepping for the Homestudy Update

I'm getting ready for my homestudy update. I have an appointment on September 24th. I was checking out my house and thinking, "Boy, I need to get this place together again." So, that is what I'll be doing. I don't know how things accumulate, but they do. I know that when I become a mom, it'll compound even faster. I'll also be sending in my paperwork to renew my I-171 H. It expires in October. I'm hoping this that this will be the only time I'll renew. I've spoken to my referral counselor and she seems to be optimistic that it'll be around 2 years or a bit more. I'm going to be optimistic and pray and wish for that. I have bunches of people praying for that and I believe in the power of prayer.

On a brighter note, I'm going to Disneyland with my niece in October. I'm so excited. We're going for a Thursday through Saturday. Yippee. I am a big ol kid. I can't wait for Space Mountain!

Stork Landings and Time Frames

I really do love stork landings. I love to read people's blogs and share their joy in getting their precious referrals. I like to live vicariously through them because it gives me hope knowing that one day it will be me waiting for the call, posting my referral on this blog. It's exciting. So, here is my hope...not my miracle hope, but my hope...the wait stays about 21 to 24 months and not much more. I really would love for it to get shorter and I still pray for that (that would be my miracle request)...but 21 to 24 months, I think it's something I can try to deal with. It will be frustrating but in the end, so very worth it. Yeah, and I think I am going to light some candles and do some novenas.

On a brighter note, I lost 4.8 lbs my first week on Weight Watchers. Yea for me.

So, when will it be my turn?

Three teachers...count them three oh wait four, if you include a male teacher whose wife is expecting are having babies this Spring. So, yes, I'm feeling a little whiny! When is it MY TURN? I waited longer than all of them. It's not fair, fair, fair! Okay, deep breath, I have it out of my system, (I think...probably until the baby showers and then I'm going to feel all whiny again). So this is what I think...if they are all getting their babies in 08, then so am I gosh darnit. I think what bothers me is the "I'm so excited for all the pregnant people" from everybody around and then they look at me, ask the dreaded question of when and give you this sad, pathetic look when you tell them you don't know, it's taking longer than expected. It's the pity look I think that hurts worse than the words. So, this is what I want to tell people, but honestly, I don't know if I have it in me because I think it would come out offensive to them. Here it is..."Thank you for caring about me and my child. I know that you care, but your questions and pity looks are a reminder of my wait which is hard enough. I have to put on my happy face and tell myself everyday that it's not in my time but in God's time, but you know, I am human and it really sucks that my wait keeps increasing and increasing. I struggle everyday and sometimes I don't even want to think about my daughter who is waiting for me in China because I don't have her physically with me. If you know you have something important in another place and you couldn't get it right away, wouldn't it be torture for you, especially if people keep bringing it up and you know there is nothing that you can do? So please, for my own sanity, please don't ask me anymore. If I hear anything, you can better believe that I'm going to be shouting it from the rooftops." I know we are all trying to keep our happy faces on and we don't want to hear the negative. I know I don't do especially well hearing the gloom and doom. I really do try to be positive. Sometimes I wish that I hadn't said anything to anyone. Hindsight is 20-20. I will make it as well all of us who are waiting. We get it and we have each other to cry with. So, I am going to pick myself up now from my pity party, raise a toast to all of us (with soymilk) and say, "We will be getting our children sooner than we expect!" Cheers ya'll

I'm a Big 'Ol Slacker

Hi, my name is Jamie and I'm a big ol slacker. But I have finally come back to my senses even though this is the first week back to school (which is very hectic and crazy especially with sixth graders wandering aimlessly throughout the school because they are lost and unsure of where they are supposed to go and don't even know when it's time to leave or how to even leave the building). Today I wrote my check to my agency with my renewal contract so that I can get my homestudy updated. I will mail it first thing tomorrow. I have already had my physical (I got the results today and basically I'm still in good health but I need to lay off the sweets and breads and exercise more thus started Weight Watchers yesterday and joined a gym to up my exercise of walking Hope). My next step is beginning the renewal process of the lovely I-171H. I know that I will NOT have to renew again. I keep saying that...it's a new mantra for me.

I can't believe that it has been 15 months since LID. Time really has flown by fast. I'm thinking it will keep whizzing by and it will soon be time for me to get Grace. There is still a small part of me hoping for this year but it's teeny tiny when you look at stats. But, you know, stranger things have happened.

Tomorrow, Shannon and I are going to see Def Leppard and she got our seats upgraded to a box. Yippee! I'm so excited...I'm going out on a school night. I might not feel so excited on Friday morning though.

Frustrations

I don't know about those of you who are waiting, like me, but aren't you get frustrated with people asking when over and over and over after you have already told them you don't know? And then they say, "It's taking too long!" Okay, first of all, THEY aren't the ones waiting to be the parent. Can they get that if it's frustrating for them then how frustrating it must be for the people waiting? I'm really polite but I'm really tired of rehashing and explaining the whole process. I'm glad they are excited but I'm tired of the questions right now. I'm under a lot of stress already with the new regime at my school. It seems that I'm in a constant battle with our relatively new AP who now thinks he's God and that he's always right and hasn't a clue of what the library needs to do and what our role really is (he's only 30, first time AP (assistant principal...only been with us since April or May and his only education experience is an upper and upper middle class middle school...we're a blue collar school). Anyways, I just wanted to vent and now I feel better. Tomorrow will be a better day.

Back to Work

This week I am back at work. I was glad to be back to get away from family drama, but I'm sad my summer has come to an end. We have a new principal and 18 new teachers! Wow! I think one of our new teachers, I taught her in 5th grade (actually I was the student teacher, but same thing!) I always thought it was weird that I worked with some of my former teachers (I still work with my 8th grade English teacher) but now I feel OLD! Oh well. The rain is causing MAJOR leaks in the school's roof that just got replaced this summer. Lucky for me that my library is okay (it had been leaking before).

My grandparents are in the nursing home. I think it's been an okay adjustment. My grandmother told me she wants to go home. We went to visit this weekend and it was tough seeing them there. I can understand why some people don't go visit their loved ones there because not only is it sad, it's because you feel horrible and guilty that you couldn't care for them yourself and they lost their independence and can't stay in their own home. I know this is the best thing for them care-wise, but I can't help but feel sad. I think I'll be going again this weekend. My mom is having a super hard time with this as well.

So, I'm getting closer to 15 months of waiting. People are still asking me "When is that baby coming already?" I have to just smile and sigh and say that am hoping soon and then I have to explain everything. Sometimes I wish I had a video or recording so I wouldn't have to go over it so many times. Geez. I need to find a humorous answer so I won't feel so frustrated.

A Wild Hair

I had an interesting evening that ended with a wild hair that I hope will bring me and other waiting families luck that the wait will get better. My friend, D, has a friend who works for the WNBA and we were able to go to the game tonight, courtesy of this friend. We had FLOOR seats that were awesome. Our hometown team won! Yippee! It was close though. Then, on the way home, I got this wild hair. I decided to go get a tattoo of a ladybug on my instep. I know it sounds crazy but I have been chewing in this for a while. D had just said she kept seeing ladybugs everywhere and it really got me thinking so I thought, why not now? It's teeny tiny and it's in a place that it's not on display. It didn't take long and it didn't hurt too much. So, hopefully it will bring us all luck.

Feed Me Seymour!

Today I went with my best friend, Sandra to Ikea to buy these bags for her math teachers. I have to say, she has one of THE BEST babies in the world. Holly is super sweet. She is a good passenger in the car. She is only 3 1/2 months old. As we were leaving, the hunger hit her hard and fast. She turned 10 different shades of red as she let us know that she was starving! Poor Sandra was working as fast as she could to check out and get Holly's bottle warmed up. She did it but as we were driving home she said she was embarassed that people were staring at her. She didn't do anything wrong. She was very calm and she was trying to calm her baby as well, but we all know that sometimes babies are just too upset to calm down right away (just like big people! heck when I'm hungry I want food right then and I get grumpy too!) It made me think, that's probably going to happen to me too. So, I am getting read to gear myself up for stares of people when my child has a meltdown in public. I think I should start reading up on the topic.

I also found out today that my grandparents are going into the nursing home on Thursday. I visited with my grandmother on Sunday and I know this is going to devestate her. Unfortunately, this is the kind of care she needs. I hear my grandfather knows and my friend Denise has already warned me to be prepared for his wrath of anger because he is losing his independence. I'll be there Thursday. I'm not sure I want to but my mom asked and I will always try to support her.

The stork landings and my liver in a quiver

The stork landed yesterday. I have to confess that I am back to checking out RQs site. I don't know if I am taking everything said seriously...more like with a grain of salt. I love her site most when she posts the blogs of those who get their babies. I love, LOVE, to see their beautiful little faces. Some look sweet, some have that mischievous sparkle in their eyes, some look very serious and some have that dreamy look. I love to check out their clothing and hairstyles. It used to be very bittersweet for me (I was sad it wasn't me but happy for those who got their children) but now it's like hope for me. It makes me happy and I can for a second imagine myself on that day (soon! it will be sooner than we all think) waiting to get "The Call" and seeing Grace for the first time. If I'm crying for other people, I can only imagine how I'm going to be. Geez. But congrats to all those families seeing their childrens' faces.

You're probably wondering about the liver in a quiver thing. On the cruise, I got acupuncture to help my headaches (and it was a little late but it helped my seasickness as well as my headaches). The actupuncturist was telling me that all the diet sodas and other junk I was eating was damaging my liver and that was part of the reason I was having headaches. So, now everytime I see a soda I hear his voice and it literally puts my liver into a quiver! I wanted to have a soda today and started drinking one but it didn't taste good! He told me a good alternative was kambucha tea (I know I misspelled it but that's okay). I got the citrus one and basically it tastes like Fresca but with vinegar or it tastes like Alka Seltzer! Yuck! Guess I'm going back to iced tea and water! Oh well.

I'm posting my favorite picture from the trip. My mom and the fruit lady in Jamaica. It cracks me up!