I will not panic

I am trying real hard not to panic about how the swine flu might affect my travel. I keep telling myself that God will get me to China when I'm supposed to. I just want it to be now or soon. My I 171 expires July 15th which also sets me into mini panic. I really don't want to have to redo my paperwork. I just need to take a breath and wait and see. I don't want to be the crazy lady who calls up in a panic. Of course, three area school districts have closed down and I heard rumors that mine might at the end of this week. I highly doubt it but I have been wrong before. I don't know what to think but my mantra is be cool, stay calm, don't panic. Easier said than done.

Bob the builder ain't got nothing on me! NOT!

So yesterday, I decided that I was going to put the gate up on the top of my stairs. It's one of those gates that you actually drill into the wall. I thought for me that would be better. Can I just say those templates are big fat liars! They don't line up at all! I had to adjust several times and I did better using the actual holder thingy to measure rather than the stupid template! And did it tell you which side to put the hinge side? Nope sure didn't. I'm a lefty and I was looking at the top of the stairs trying to make sure it would fit properly so I put the hinge side on the right...boy was I wrong. I learned later that the gate should not swing over the stairs! Yep...I was so wrong. It works. It does what it needs to do...keep my child from going downstairs. Eventually, I'll maybe flip it the other way, but I'm proud that I even got the gate up. It looks okay and it's sturdy. Check that off the safety list. I have to have a homestudy update in the next week or so. So, I'm trying to make sure everything is a.o.k.

Tomorrow is the start of the lovely TAKS testing. It's 6th & 7th grade math tomorrow. I am not testing tomorrow but I will be testing the rest of the week. Oh Joy! I feel bad for the Schertz-Cibolo district who is out this whole week because of the swine flu. Not only are they missing TAKS but a whole week of school added to the end. YUCK! We're already starting a countdown here.

Sunday is my family and friends shower. I'm very excited. In two weeks, they are having my work shower. Today my favorite counselor brought me two cute, cute, cute outfits for my Gracie. She said she went shopping and saw them and couldn't help herself. I couldn't blame her. My girl is going to be so cute in them! It's things like these that make me realize how blessed I am by having all of the great and supportive people in my life.

Finally, we got good news today. Shannon is still cancer free. Yippee! It'll be a year this summer that Shannon will have finished all of her cancer treatments. I hope it stays that way!

Frustration

Okay, first I'm going to start this post by saying that I really do like my agency. I really do. I know I should trust them in all aspects of my adoption but I can't help by be a little leery and untrusting. I guess I'm frustrated because information is not as forthcoming as it should be...it's not just my agency as I realize...it seems it's common in a lot of agencies. My agency will answer the questions honestly but you have to ask them...they don't volunteer the information upfront...it's like some of this process is so top secret that we the prospective adoptive parents aren't privy to. This leads me to the whole e-mailing the consulate about making sure your paperwork is there. When someone who is in the same shoes as you (getting ready for travel...actually I am waiting for TA) says they had a paperwork issue that caused them stress and almost lost a consulate appointment and recommended checking up on it, I think I'm probably going to follow that advice because I sure as heck don't want to be stressed out when I'm getting ready to travel. Yes, I did e-mail them and when I talked to my agency I was advised that I shouldn't have. According to them, there is a breakdown in communication between, well, honestly I can't remember who, but the entity who is responsible for getting our paperwork to the consulate is not getting it done. But, it's no big deal...only a few phone calls to clear it up and has never postponed travel. Okay...this is why I'm frustrated...why don't they tell us this right after we get our LSC so we can be prepared and not blindsided and number 2, why can't we prevent that stress right before travel? Hello...we are already fragile people. Many of us have waited for a long time and now we've been matched. Some of our children are very ill and we want to get to them ASAP and any thought of delay freaks us out a lot. And to top it off, seriously, if we've been waiting as much as some of us have and our agencies have told us a lot of stuff, aren't we a little leery about what they say is the truth? And you know what else? I'm an American citizen and isn't the consulate there to serve American citizens and answer my questions? Don't I technically pay their salaries with my taxes? So, it's understandable that we freak out over things like this. We're super sorry that we didn't know we weren't supposed to contact the consulate...nobody every told us this and when we hear about problems, we want to solve it right then. I'm off my soapbox and I feel better that I vented my frustrations.

Sad News

Today, a mom of one of my students was murdered this morning. The student was at school when it happened and the cops came and got this student out of class and told the student. Our administrators weren't allowed to say anything. It was just the two of them who lived in that house and it's believed that the boyfriend was the one who killed her. I'm glad my student wasn't there when it happened but I'm devestated and so sad for this student. It seems like there are more and more murders lately in my hometown. Please say a little prayer for my student that he will have the strength to get through this tough time.

On a brighter note, I'm getting my visa and my mom's application filled out and sent to my agency since they have a visa service. It's due on Tuesday. Tomorrow is our last day for the week and my principal is going to take me and Shannon to lunch for Library Week (it was last week). My niece and I are going to finish her bracelets on Friday since we are off for Fiesta! YEA!

My life has seemed to have gone in fast forward mode and I haven't decided if it's a good thing or a bad thing. It's good in that it's getting closer to Grace day but bad in that I have so much to do in a short amount of time. I think it still hasn't totally sunk in yet. When I get my TA, I'll be like a chicken with its head chopped off. My plan is to get everything on my packing list before TA. That way I won't be as overwhelmed. I'm still hoping that I get my TA in three weeks...and I would like to travel at the end of May. That would totally rock.

My life seems to be on fast forward lately. I haven't decided whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. I have something scheduled every day after work this week. This past week was also chock full. I have my packing list in my purse and I'm trying to get things a little at a time so I won't be overwhelmed when I get my TA and the realization kicks in that I'll be leaving in a month (at least I hope so).

This weekend I got to visit with my best friend and her family. It was Miss Holly's 2nd birthday. I wish you could all see this girl because she is one funny and very animated 2 year old. She loves music and dancing to it. She loves kitty cats and her

It's a Pink Day today!

Congratulations to all of my friends who received LOAs and TAs today. It was totally pinked up on Rumor Queen special needs board. It's like a roller coaster ride because a lot of people got their TAs in 3 weeks and then they are traveling in a couple of weeks. So, it made my brain start thinking that there could be a chance of me going to China in about 5 weeks! Holy cow!

So, I'm going to start packing and print out my packing list to keep with me so I can get things and start packing now. I don't want to be a chicken with her head cut off.

Obedience Class & DDR

Hope and I had Day 2 of obedience class. She is doing very well. We worked on heel, change of pace, sit and heal/sit. She also was the "demonstrator" of the bad behavior of jumping up on people and she got the "off" command and the water bottle squirt. She totally stopped. I am going to practice that command and hush when she starts the crazy dog bark. We're working very hard so she doesn't freak poor Grace out.

Today was also our DDR tournament at school. I think I got permission to buy a wii for the library because you should have seen the amount of kids in the library during lunch. The interesting thing is that I had more boys cometing than girls. Two of my first place winners were boys! I want to do game day after school either once a week or every other week next year. I want to do more than Wii. I was also thinking scrabble and monopoly as well.

In a little over a month I should be in China. How crazy is that? I am so excited!

National Library Week

This week is National Library Week. We're having a DDR (that's Dance Dance Revolution) tournament during lunches. We're also going to have a dessert buffet for the teachers on Friday. I was worried because I didn't think the kids were going to sign up but I got enough. So, I'm going to lug my Wii to work tomorrow. I decided that since I'll probably be gone the last week of school and that's when I bring my wii and my student aides can have game day. My favorite is America Idol karaoke revolution.

I've started my packing lists. I put them on EXCEL. I've decided I need to print it out and keep it with me so I can buy some of the stuff each time I go to the grocery store. Today I got some of the drug stuff like baby tylenol and boogie wipes (boogie wipes rock...they are like saline wipes)

I hope everybody had a great Easter. I burned the burgers a bit (my mom jinxed me when she said she wanted well-done) but they were still good. I can't believe that next year I'll have my Grace and she'll get to search for eggs alongside her cousins (that's my sister and her kids in the picture looking for eggs). I hope that more LOAs will be coming for those who have been waiting. I know how frustrating the wait is. My travel advisor is supposed to call me this week. I wonder if she'll have ideas of time frames. Holy cow! I'm going to China in a month (or a little over a month!)

Words I need to delete from my vocabulary

As I was leaving the Wal-Mart parking lot this evening, I had an epiphany after a person who saw that I was backing up but decided he wanted to go so I had to slam on my brakes so I wouldn't hit him (he was flying through the parking lot to Whataburger) and as the word "Ya punk!" flew out of my mouth, I thought to myself...my child is going to be calling people punks! It could be a whole lot worse but just the thought of it coming out of a little person's mouth makes me think about it. So, now what other words do I need to delete from my vocabulary? Dipwad is definitely one. I honestly am not a big cusser. My bad words are crap and sucks. Not the best, but not the worse. I'm going to have to think on that.

Did you know that Wal-Mart or at least my Wal-Mart no longer has a gift registry in the store? Yep, I went to update mine this morning and I couldn't believe that! So, I guess I will now be going to Babies R Us but they are kinda expensive and Wal-Mart is usually reasonable. I do have my registry at Target done. My best friend has been helping me out since she has an almost 2 year old at home.

I finished my contract work this evening. I had a Monday (actually later but I was asked if I could get it done earlier) deadline and I made it a point to finish today. The extra money could really be used. I hope all items are accepted.

I am also sending a care package to my daughter through LadybugsNLove. I am writing my orphanage letter right now and I also sending a photo album so I'll be taking pictures tomorrow at Easter. The bummer thing is that my face is still swollen from those stinkin steroids. I'm glad I've lost the weight from them (even though I still have residual eating issues from them in the evenings) so poor Gracie will think she has a puffy faced mama! Oh well!

LSC Sent today

My LSC was sent today. I can't believe that in less than two months, I will be holding my child in my arms. How cool is that? I still haven't received any medical updates so I just have to believe she's okay.

I spent the day with my niece and nephew making bracelets for my niece's market days project. We had a good day and had so much fun. Alex was super nice to Brennan when he made a "creative" bracelet. We only got 15 done but we have plans to finish them up on Fiesta Friday.

I hope that Monday brings more LOAs for the waiting families. I am still praying for a speedup for my friends still waiting. They are never far from my thoughts and my heart aches for them. There is nothing I can say to make them feel better but I am always having conversations with God asking him to speed it up for them...they've been waiting way too long...I would be to but God had another plan for me.

Yes, I am up before I should be

What kind of crazy girl am I who is up an hour earlier than she needs to be? That would be me. I am the kind of girl who "chews" on things in her sleep. That's why I have all of the weird crazy dreams (like the night before I was dreaming about the heel command I had learned the night before at obedience class...Hope is doing well with that BTW...when we walked yesterday she did good with "heel") Last night I finished compiling my shower list for my best friend. This morning I put it into EXCEL and e-mailed it to Sandra. I'm very excited about my shower. It's going to be at one of my favorite places that has the best desserts and chicken salad.

I got my LSC/LOA fed-exed yesterday. My agency should be getting it today. I'm bringing my big huge dossier notebook to work so I can pull the paperwork for the state of Texas so I can get the ball rolling on the nonrecurring adoption expense reimbursement. I was so glad when someone in RQ special needs forum brought that up. That's $1500 that will help out greatly. I also made an appointment with Grace's pediatrician in a couple of weeks so we can get our plan of action in place. I have never been so busy! But with a list, I'm doing okay.

I was also blessed with some contract question writing work that's due on Monday. So, it's going to be a busy weekend but that's a good thing.

I'm super excited that today is our last day of the week. I get to wear my Librarian's Rock shirt and jeans. Shannon and I are going to be twinkies. Tomorrow, my niece is coming over and we're going to make bracelets for her market day project. Alex and I always have fun doing crafty stuff together.

Easter is Sunday. I'm BBQing in the early afternoon and we're also going to have a pinata for KJ since we didn't have it on his actual birthday.

Paperwork and Dog Obedience Class

I got my Fed Ex of my daughter's official referral. The actual date they signed off was the day after my birthday...now that's truly a great gift. Now I'm off to make copies upstairs and get everything that is needed so I can fed ex it back tomorrow. My head is a spinning but I got my lists. I have learned that lists are so very important.

I also got good news today that my daughter will qualify for a nonrecurring adoption subsidy from the state of Texas. It's like $1500. So, as I gather the other paperwork, I have another folder going for the Texas part of the paperwork. Every little bit helps.

Hope and I attended the first obedience class today. It was a community education class of about 12 dogs. We learned heel today. I guess heel is a marker word and Hope is still working on it. She did okay. We'll be working on heel this whole week. Hopefully she'll get it by next week. She also has to learn to stay on my right side too because I'm a lefty. So, we'll see how it goes. Wish us both luck!

LOA Baby!

Today, it is with great pride that I introduce you to my beautiful daughter, Grace. I received my LOA around lunch today and I'm on Cloud 9. Here are my girl's stats:

Chinese Name: Feng Bing Qing
From: Jiangxi (Fengxin County)
DOB: 12/24/07 (she's a Christmas baby)

Thanks you everybody who has been there for me and supporting me. It's days like these that make everything worth it. I can't believe I'm officially a mom!

I also won this cool doll wagon from Highsmith from TLA today. Imagine my surprise when I got this cool package fed exed to me. It's a beautiful handmade wagon with Raggedy Ann. Grace is so going to love this.

I hope to travel at the end of May. I promise to keep up with the blog and keep ya'll updated with everything.

Love being a foody

This morning, I decided to try something different. I really want to eat better. I have been wanting to cook more too. I actually have been craving healthly foods. So, I went to Central Market which is kind of far from my house. It was nice drive and nobody was up. Can I just say that I love Central Market. I got some great food and bread. I spent way too much but the turkey provance was worth it. I'm taking it to work for lunch to eat. I could never get sick of that. I also got some of the cheddar my best friend swears by. YUM. I think this would be a neat idea to do with Grace every Sunday or once a month to go there and get our produce for the week and just enjoy getting yummy food.

I am so glad I only have two more days of steroids. YEA! Yesterday I was Miss Piggy at the Chinese Buffet. I think I blew my poor friend's mind by eating 3 plates of food. It was mostly chicken and broccoli and the green beans. I couldn't get enough of the green beans. But I was so miserable afterwards. I'm not being as piggy today.

Today is a day of cleaning. Fun! I also need to gear up for a short fast and TAKS week. YUCK. The light at the tunnel might be my LSC/LOA. A girl can hope right?

Home Again, Home Again, jiggaty jig

I made it home yesterday evening. Our flight was delayed so I didn't get home until late yesterday evening. My posting yesterday got interrupted by the shuttle driver who was like super early so I had to finish my post quickly, turn off my laptop and get downstairs (I was on the 2nd floor lounge). I don't even remember what I had been saying or if it made any sense. Oh well. I had too much stuff in my bag so I had to take out some of the preview copies of books that I got at TLA (I really didn't get a whole lot but there's probably about 15 paperback books) and put them in my backpack along with my Hank the Cowdog t-shirts for my family. Even though I was at the airport super early, I really enjoyed it. I finished reading this great book, Graceling. I am not a fantasy person, but this book totally rocked. If you liked reading Twilight, you should totally try this book. The relationship between the two main characters has that whole Bella/Edward intense vibe. It really is good. I also got to read and almost finish the new Sarah Dessen novel (I forget what it's called) but it comes out in June. Loved it...I love chick lit (if you saw the movie, How to Deal with Mandy Moore...it was based on a Sarah Dessen novel). I really enjoyed my trip. I'm glad to be home though.

I went to the allergist today. She rocked. It turns out that I'm not so much allergic as I am irritated by allergens which means that shots won't work but I have to work at the irritants. So, nasal wash every day and nose spray every day are going to be crucial. That's why I get so sick when I'm away from my library for long periods of time, the mold irritates me. I also got get re-fingerprinted. This is what like the 3rd time? Hopefully though I will be home before July 18 when my I-600A expires. I'm still waiting for my LSC/LOA. I saw that someone who had their PA similar to me got theirs today. I would love for mine to come next week. It's that whole I know it's going to happen but I don't know when.

I did find out that when we go to Nanchang we will be staying at the JinFeng hotel. That's cool. It's a very nice hotel and people seem to like it. I've told mom that we'll get suites in Nanchang and at the White Swan so we have the extra room. We're two strong, very aries women who will definitely need a little extra space for our tenaciousness.

Tomorrow is Saturday. A day of rest. I'm very excited. Next week in another 4 day week. Alex and I are going to make her bracelets for her market days in May.

Getting ready to go home

I'm on the second floor of the lovely Magnolia Hotel in Houston waiting for my supershuttle to the airport. I enjoyed TLA for the most part. I missed my school (I know I'm a big weirdo). My favorite part of the journey? The food...I can honestly say that I'm glad I am on steroids because it allowed me to do some good eating (for free). One of my vendors treated me to an awesome dinner last night at Cava Bistro...the chicken, the wine, the salad, the desserts, the appetitizers...YUM...and lunch at the Hilton by Ebsco was fantastic too. Did I mention the cookie buffet and the happy hour in my hotel too? Yea freaking fantastic. I was able to show the pictures of my girl to my favorite vendors and other librarians who know of my journey. I just wish that I knew more substantial stuff. I hate that I'm not in control...I think it's God's way of letting me practice this new skill out. Believe me, it's super hard and I'm fighting it all of the time. But if anything in this journey I am learning is that faith is everything. I don't want to come off as a crazed psycho Christian Catholic girl but in this journey I really have gotten closer to God and have a stronger sense of faith than I ever had in my 37 years of life.

So, this is how I have been coping with the wait. Take it one day or one hour at a time. Take a deep breath...tell myself, "Not on your time...God's got the rolex watch, not you" and then remember all the hindsight stuff that makes me remember.

In Houston

I just got into Houston for TLA. The flight was good and quick and my hotel rocks. They have a cookie buffet every evening with the butteryish sugar cookies and ice cold milk. They have breakfast buffet and a happy hour buffet. It's like I'm on a land cruiseship. It's good to also get away from home and get some perspective. I'm so glad that I won't be "working" the rest of the week. I get to enjoy TLA.

Before I left town, I stopped by the day chapel to pray at adoration (it's a Catholic thing...I'm doing it once a week for lent...didn't give anything up, added adoration). Anyways, as I sat there, I told God that I needed to quick trying to control everything, time-wise and let him give it to me in His time. That's the bad part of my personality...I like to know when things are going to happen and to be in the driver's seat. So, on that note, I'm okay with whenever I get my LSC/LOA. It will happen whenever it is supposed to happen. Yes, I want to get my daughter as soon as I can but I don't know what's going on in her world over there. Maybe she's not quite yet ready for her crazy mama. I think I'm at peace with it, well, not quite there yet...almost. I am and probably will be checking RQ's forum to see who got LOA and TA. It's so exciting. I look at the charts and see that I probably have a little more time before my LSC if we go with the average time frame. Who knows...I'm trying to give it to God...patience is a virtue, I'm learning.

I had a great birthday

I had a super great birthday today even though I didn't get my LSC/LOA. I have a strange sneaking suspicion that mine will come when they institute the fee for LOA. And you know, that's okay with me in the long run, even though it kinda sucks that everything keeps going up. I feel that we are suddenly innundated with an increase of fees all over the place. I'm very lucky that I have been able to save some money so I should be good to go.

I got a beautiful lemon tree and a great collage of my Grace from my best friend and her family. I love them! I also got the coolest travel necessities from my friends at work...love the pillow, blanket, luggage tags...I'm ready to go! I got my luggage from my parents along with a monetary gift (the LOA fee) and my sister also got me a beautiful petunia plant that I am going to work hard and not let it die. I truly am blessed by all the great family and friends that surround me. I love them all and I thank God for them every day.

I go to Houston tomorrow for TLA. I think I have mine and Hope's bags packed. I think I need to swap out purses but I'll get that together tomorrow. I can't believe how much time has flown by.

I'm still praying for all of you guys waiting for referrals, the speedup, your PAs (especially Marjorie...hoping yours goes all the way to LOA/TA and fast!), LOAs, TAs. I know how frustrating it can be. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to a lot of it. Just a lesson in patience I guess. OH! You know what else I found to be interesting? My agency is starting to do adoptions in other countries...get out of town right? I'm not sure what to make of it or draw any conclusions. What I have learned in this journey so far is to expect the unexpected and that you can't always draw the right conclusions even with a lot of details because the answer is probably somewhere from left field and you would have never seen it coming. I guess that's good advice for someone who is getting ready to be a mama to a toddler.

What I want from my birthday tomorrow

I bet you can guess what I am hoping for as a birthday present tomorrow? Yep, my LSC/LOA. It would be the ultimate birthday gift. I have to tell you about my sign that I saw this morning in the paper. I know if you've been following my blog, I am a believer in signs. I think God knows that I'm sometimes so not aware as I should be so He sends me these big neon signs to make me take notice. So, this morning I was reading the newspaper and I was checking out the ads for HEB, our local grocery store. There were these two stone crosses advertised which said, "Grace" and "Hope". Too weird...I collect crosses (and they were a good price too) and my dog is Hope and my daughter is Grace. Coincidence? Maybe...I like to think they are signs.

I went to breakfast with my best friend, her hubby and their beautiful daughter this morning and I got the coolest gifts ever: a lemon tree which I have been wanting and a beautiful collage of my baby girl. Too cool. I can't wait to post them. So, I hope ya'll say a little prayer for me that I get the ultimate birthday present tomorrow (shoot, I'd even take later in the week with the $100 fee for the LSC/LOA).

So, I have realized that my whole world has been Grace lately. I apologize to anybody who I might have offended because I am in la-la land thinking of my daughter. I really am trying to be not so locked in Graceland. I am making the effort to not bring her up so often and to listen to people when they are talking to me. So, please bear with me for a while....this is all so new to me.

Which brings me to the fact that I had forgotten that I'm going to TLA in Houston Tuesday and will be home late Thursday. I've got to pack and double check my reservations....yep, something I would have been drooling over before has become not so important. I normally enjoy the conference and I am sure I will. So, I need to get my act together and get Hope ready for her doggy daycare sleepaway camp (yes, she goes there for boarding because she is off the leash during the day playing with other dogs). I need to make a list. It seems that I can't do anything without a list. Yikes.

Okay so off to bed I go...gotta do my novena and my houston packing list...btw praying for speedup for referrals for everybody still waiting

15

My girl is 15 months old today. I'm still waiting for my LSC/LOA. People have told me that when you see your child's face, the previous wait is nothing compared to the impatience one has in getting to China, seeing your child, holding your child and bringing her/him home. I get it now. I hate how impatient I am and how I'm constantly trolling RQ Special Needs forum to check on status of LOAs. I check the charts and do all of these crazy analysis of past and current stats. What I learned is that there really is no rhyme or reason to it. The only thing I can do is hope and pray that everything will go smoothly and as fast as possible. I know everything happens for a reason so I have to hold onto that. Miracles happen every day. The fridge in our office was pretty much dying and Shannon and I had a conversation of getting rid of it (it was not cooling at all!). I think we scared it because it cools down like nobody's business. It rocks again.

I am still sick and went to the doctor. I like my doctor a lot, but I'm not super fond of her staff. They poked and prodded me and I have to go for a chest x-ray. It's still probably bronchitis but it sure is taking a long time to get over. So, I'm kind of laid up and just wanting to eat and eat because of the stupid steroids. Not good. I have told my friends that if I start breaking down doors like the incredible hulk, you know it's the steroids.

Laying Low

I am still stinking sick. I can't seem to shake off the bronchitis part of it. It feels like I have pressure on my chest. I was on steroids but it doesn't seem to be working. Of course it doesn't help that I'm still trying to run around like crazy. I'm trying to get everything all lined up. Of course, I still haven't received my LSC. I'm hoping that it will be coming soon like this week. Tomorrow is my mom's birthday...maybe I'll get LSC on her birthday like I got PA on my dad's. Wouldn't it be cool then to get TA on my birthday (3/30)? It's a dream but it's a good one.

I'm trying to work on my registries...WalMart and Target. Grace is still on the bottle so I'll be bringing bottles and maybe a sippy cup. I am thinking I'm going to go ahead and buy my the car seat this week. We'll see

Bronchitis

Yep, that's what I got, bronchitis. I'm not even moving that much air in my lungs right now. My chest was tight and I was coughing pretty badly. I went to see Dr. Sutton yesterday and she gave me a breathing treatment and when it didn't work, she prescribed steroids. On day two, still having a bit of trouble breathing. I get to see the allergist the Friday I get back from TLA in Houston. Yippee for me. Hopefully they'll figure out what is triggering my issues so I will be healthy and prepared when I go to China. If I'm that sensitive to allergens here, I need to be prepared wherever I go.

I have been working on Grace's life book. It's been an interesting experience. There are days that I love my cricut and days when I don't get it. Sometimes it rips as it cuts and other times it's a nice clean cut. Oh well.

I also finally took a picture of the 100 wishes quilt I made for Grace. I'm showcasing my lovely turtle quilt.

I'm still crossing my fingers for LOA/LSC this week or early next week. I'm wanting to get my baby home soon. She needs the medical help ASAP. I wish I could say more but until I have LOA/LSC I can't publish any information on my girl. So, let's say a little prayer so that it'll keep happening fast.

My First Uncomfortable Question and More Updates on Grace

So, today I had my first uncomfortable question and it was from a student! I used to think that sometimes we as adoptive parents tended to be a little more oversensitive about things and I told myself that I would be a little more go with the flow sort of attitude...I was wrong. I bristled like a big old porcupine. I was showing the updated pictures to my student aide when another student asked me, "How much is she costing you?" Yep, the money question out of the mouth of a 6th grader. I wasn't expecting that at all. Middle schoolers aren't known for their tact. I have to say I did feel my bristles come out but I remembered an article I had read in O magazine about this same thing. Ironically enough I had re-read that article last night about things people should never say to adoptive families or children. This was one of the questions but I loved the way the author of the article handled it. She said that all children no matter if they are adopted or biological cost their parents money. So, remembering this I asked the young lady, "How much did you cost your mother?" and she said, "$5000" and I said, "Hmmm, something like that." I never answered the question but I really was floored. I guess the bottom line is that I need to toughen up and be prepared for the ignorant questions. I think I handled it okay. I just need to remind myself not to show my bristly spines.

On a brighter note, I got an update on my daughter. She looks great and is gaining weight. I have to give props to Angela and Kelly from LadybugsNLove who were so quick and fast with their help. They are the best. I will be sending a care package through them as soon as I get my LSC. Let's hope that comes very soon.

Healthy Child Expo and Ladybugs N Love

This weekend, Sandra and I went to the Healthy Child Expo. I'm going to tell a bit on my best friend because, well, I loved the moment. Tyler Florence (you know, the food network chef guy) was the big speaker/person at the Expo. He has a new line of organic baby food. Sandra, who is an awesome cook/chef herself, is in total awe of him. He is like rock star status. We turned the corner and Sandra stops in mid-sentence...her eyes get huge and her mouth hangs open...less than 10 feet from us is the superstar himself, Tyler Florence. All she could say was, "OH MY Gosh, OH MY GOSH!" It looked like he had just arrived at his booth and nobody was there. I took a picture of Sandra with him. She looked like a cat who ate two canaries, she was so happy. Later on, she commented on how ripply his muscles felt when she hugged him in the picture. The whole afternoon, you could still see the happy, in the clouds look on her face. It made me happy to see her that way.

Speaking of being in the clouds, there is a great, great service called "Ladybugs N Love" (http://www.ladybugsnlove.com) that does orphanage phone calls as well as other services like care packages. Today when I got home from work, were 4 pictures of my beautiful Grace. I started bawling my eyes out. I wish I could post these pictures along with the first pictures I received of her. Of course, I can't until I get my LSC. There is a possiblility of a 7 to 8 day turnaround on that so maybe next week sometime I'll be able to show the world my girl. I highly, highly, highly recommend Kelly & Angela of Ladybugs N Love. They really want to help you.

I got PA!

This evening, I was checking my facebook and just surfing the net when I decided to check my e-mail...guess what I got? Yep, I got my PA! YEA! I am one step closer to bringing my daughter home. It's my dad's birthday and what a great gift I was given. I am so stoked and invorgated (yes, even though I have been sick) that I'm going upstairs and working on her lifebook with my nifty new cricut machine. YEA! Good thing I took a nap this afternoon. I'm supposed to go to the movies tomorrow with my friends tomorrow after Mr Sparky comes to fix my ceiling fan (yes that's the name of the electrician company). Oh well...crazy!

Why do I always get sick on vacations?

Yeah, it happened yet again...I got sick. I'm feeling better thanks to liquid oxygen, vitamin C & garlic. It started on Monday evening. I hate it. It doesn't help that the weather changed again. CRAZY...at least we got rain.

I got my Cricut machine and I love it. I had the electricians at Mr. Sparky come by and give me a quote for putting a ceiling fan in my patio and the price was a bit high right now. Of course I think I jinxed myself because guess what happened this morning? My ceiling fan/light is not working in my bedroom. So the gentleman from Mr. Sparky will be back tomorrow and most likely will have to use the ceiling fan that was bought for my patio for my bedroom. Lucky me! At least I have one available.

I'm still anxiously waiting for PA. Someone who also had their LOI on the same day I did got their PA today. They aren't through review yet either so in my thinking, I'm hoping I will have mine too very very soon. Of course there is no rhyme or reason in this whole process.

I got a great new printer because my other one died (actually I had a gift certificate from my sister for Christmas so she bought it). I love it!

One more day of Spring Break. It went super fast.

I love my cricut

I got my cricut cutting machine today. It is super cool and I am planning on using it for Grace's lifebook. I have been cleaning Grace's room and going through the clothes I had for her. I am also cleaning up my upstairs den. I'm trying to make sure there is enough room for Grace to play.

I am on Spring Break and of course I am getting sick again. I think it is my lack of sleep and going to the ENT for a recheck caused me to start it up again. Maybe I never got over it before. Anyways, I have a nasty cough and I'll go to the doctor if I don't feel better tomorrow.

I still haven't heard about PA yet. I'm hoping for this week. I don't want to be impatient but I can't help it. I just want to get to China as soon as possible and bring home my girl.

Lists, lists and more lists

It's been a week today that I first saw my daughter's face. It's still a surreal experience. However since reality has since set in, I'm up to my ears in lists. When you think you have lots of time, you tend to drag your heels and procrastinate. Now that I've been blindsided in a good way, I've been making bunches and bunches of lists of things I need to get done. Next week is spring break so I'm planning on getting my patio ceiling fan put in and also getting my car's passenger door powerlock fixed. I am going to go through all my stuff and get things better organized.

I also had a moment earlier this week when I realized, "Holy cow! I'm going to be a mom!" I made a mom decision today...I really want the cricut express machine and it's a bit pricey so I'm putting that on hold unless I can find a good deal on ebay. I love crafty things. I just don't have the time and I pick them up and put them down. I wonder if Grace will like crafty things too? Hmmmm...well, I'm still waiting for PA and I hope it's speedy. I'm so glad tomorrow is Friday. Next weekend Sandra, Rex, Holly and I are going to the Baby and Child Expo. Yea! Free Samples and I actually have a child to look for stuff for!

Still in Shock

Yeah, I'm still in shock that I am going to be bringing home my daughter in less than six months. Who would have thought. It's like I'm pregnant and I'm getting ready to give birth. I honestly never imagine my referral day the way it happened but it's going to make a great story for my daughter. I'm still awaiting my PA and I'm praying that I will be able to travel and bring her home before my paperwork expires in the middle of July.

I have to get my fingerprints redone. I need to get that done first. I have a huge long list and I'm thankful Spring Break is next week. I can get a lot done.

Did anybody watch The Bachelor last night? Can you say big tool? Seriously he's a big tool. Ok, he made a mistake but to dump the poor girl on TV? Actually he humiliated her and then macked down on another woman. If I had been Molly, I wouldn't have taken him back. He dumped her in the first place and picked someone else...how could she trust him? But I guess different strokes for different folks. OH WELL! I'm trying to get my fix of reality TV before my girl comes home. Very crazy.

When you least expect it

When you are a single girl, people are always telling you whenever you find peace in your situation and accept it, then that's when love happens, when you least expect it. In my case it's a special needs referral. It's a different kind of love. When I put in my waiting childo application to my agency, I really didn't think anything would come of it. I told God if it was His will, then he will so bless me with a waiting child referral. I really had already accepted the long wait and I was really and truly in a place of acceptance and was for once in my life at peace with it. So, you can imagine my surprise at 3 a.m. this past Thursday morning when my special needs stork called and told me about a little about her and sent me her file. I was excited and exhausted and extremely cautious. I refused to look at her picture until I did more research on her special need. I only had 48 hours to decide to accept or decline. I spent most of Thursday in a fog trying to get a hold unsuccessfully of my doctors but I found an angel of mercy in Dr. Diane McMains (she rocks!) She and her nurse went over the files along with a nurse practitioner. Then she sent the files to a colleague. I also sent them to a children's hospital in Philly to make double make sure I would be going into this with my eyes open. You know, the bottom line is that it's a giant leap of faith, no matter how much information you get. Being the person that I am, I wanted to make sure I took an educated leap of faith. In the end, I have decided to accept the referral. I am now awaiting PA and all the other acronyms that are associated with special needs adoption process. If all goes well, I should be traveling early this summer. I now have a big long list that I'm continually adding to in order to make sure that I'm ready for my daughter and for my journey to China. I'm still so keyed up that I'm waking up way earlier than I need to. I hope eventually I will be able to sleep past 5:30. I think I will tonight. I am exhausted.

Valentine's Day Weekend

Well, I've never been a fan of Valentine's Day, even when I did have a Valentine. This year I solved the problem by doing housework. I cleaned my downstairs, did laundry, vacuumed the stairs. I didn't get to finish the upstairs, but I got some done. I went to Mass with my parents and we went to my favorite Mexican food restaurant. YUM! Then I watched Degrassi from Friday. I'm finally starting to like the newer cast but I still miss a lot of the characters. I used to watch the show when I was in middle school (it was on PBS and it was called Degrassi Jr High). Another point to prove that I'm becoming more and more of a middle schooler because I have worked with them for such a long time. I think that is part of the reason why my students like me.

I saw my grandmother this weekend and she was lucid this time. We played dominoes and she did a pretty good job. We got clobbered by my parents but we still did all right.

Tomorrow is President's Day. We have to work without students. Shannon and I are planning on putting up some posters and material on these flannel boards in the teen lounge area we have created.

I hope that next Valentine's Day that my daughter will be home with me. I hope that next year at this time we'll be getting ready to watch The Amazing Race.

The Drum

Yesterday at faculty meeting, Shannon and I were awarded the African drum that our faculty passes to each other every 2 weeks. It's an Attaboy Award we give to each other. I was very surprised I got it especially since I had just sent out an e-mail about people unlocking the door to my office in the morning before I get there and leaving it unlocked, the door opened with the lights on (yes, several morning we have had people coming in, unlocking the locked doors and leaving our office open before we get there). I wasn't too happy about the intrusion and I'm glad that I didn't say what I really had wanted to say in the e-mail which was, "How would you like it if I walked into your locked house because I had the master key and left your front door open with all of the lights on? It was such a violation of privacy. Anyways, it was nice to get the drum. We will be giving it back in two Wednesdays to a teacher and we want to give it to someone who never gets kudos. We are between two people right now. It's a hard decision.

I am finally getting better. I have been sick this whole week since Asian Festival. Poor Hope hasn't had a walk since Sunday. You know I'm sick when I don't eat lunch on enchilada day at school.

I just finished my taxes, yuck. I am getting a refund but less than last year. But, it's better than nothing, especially with the economy. Things are getting tight at my school district. There is a good chance I won't be going to TLA this year and our librarian meetings now will be beginning after school instead of at 2. I hate later meetings because of parking and it tends to go way over. Honestly, I think some of the meetings could be held via e-mail. We are so busy lately.

I haven't read anything about any rumors lately. It seems to be quiet. I hope that the next batch is bigger and better. One of my kiddos was doing a current event project on China and it was talking about how so many of the factories were closing and many of the migrant workers are now having to return to the rural areas. It said something like 20 million were affected. I wonder if this will impact the wait at all?

I hate being sick!

I hate being sick! It started after the Asian Festival. My throat started hurting and then everything else got worse, especially the congestion. My doctor had given me a prescription for antibiotics in case my last sinus attack would become an infection. Well, I was glad she did because I filled it today, got some allergy meds and some more soft tissue. I can't smell or taste anything. It's just texture. I left an hour early from work and came home and laid down. It made me think of what I will do when I get sick when I have Grace. I'm lucky to have a great support system. I also need to get these crazy allergies under control. My nose is still stuffy and my ears itchy, but I will survive. It takes about 24 hours for the meds to be in my system for me to start feeling better. I'm glad that this isn't a crazy week either so I can heal.

I caved in big time

Okay. Not only am I a big sucker, I finally gave into the pressure of Facebook (Thanks Troy!) I now am part of the facebook community. People from my past are all coming out of the wood work. It's weird talking to people you used to be friends with in middle and high school and then you lost touch. It's also overwhelming with all the stuff on the page. It'll take me a while to figure it out all. I had been using my mini computer to check it out, but I think I'll use my big girl laptop until I get all the kinks on my end worked out.

I got my cool kodak digital camcorder today. It's red and lovely. I am in technology overload trying to learn facebook, my pink mini laptop and this camera. I figure I'll learn as I go. Baptism by fire is one of the best ways to learn things. I always tell the student teachers who come to our school that I hope their experience is challenging and not super easy. You learn so much more from the hard stuff. I had a super wonderful and easy student teaching experience and my first year of teaching was pure hell. Seriously. I got a gun and a knife pulled on me by a 4th and 2nd grader! I cried every day and lost over 50 lbs that year (like I went from a size 20 to a size 12 in one school year). That horrible year made me a better teacher. I didn't know it at the time, but it did.

I have to make my flight reservations for TLA in Houston at the end of March. I like Houston but I'm not digging the driving and the flights are cheap. Besides, the downtown hotel has crazy daily parking prices. I love going to the TLA convention because there are cool authors and it's great people watching. We librarians are very diverse, myself included. I also love getting the galley copies of books. They make good gifts to give students. The problem I have is that I want to read them all.

I hope everybody had a great Chinese New Year. I wore my cute red sweater and ate some great food. I told my mom that I wasn't going to do housework especially vacuuming because I wanted to keep my good luck and have good fortune! Good excuse not to do housework huh?

I am such a sucker!

First of all, I am writing this post using my new and cute pink mini laptop. I love how small it is but there are some things that I am trying to get used to. The keyboard, which is not as large as my big laptop and the keys are a little sticker. All and all, I like it but reading my e-mail can be hard because it's smaller.

I went to the Home and Garden show this weekend and bought a steam mop. I am such a sucker. I took it home, vacuumed and used the steam mop but it just streaked my floors and it didn't dry as fast as it did at the show. Yeah, it did clean some spots but you know I paid too much. I learned a lesson...stay away from the trade show steam mops.

I went to a great Chinese New Year dinner yesterday with my best friend and her family. I really enjoyed it. Tomorrow is the actual day and I plan on eating bunches of Chinese food and having a great day. I hope everybody else does too.

Probably a small batch

It looks to really be a small batch, but again, I'll say it again, I'm not freaking out. I just think the time will happen when it's meant to be which I think will be this year.

So, in the meantime, I have started an DIY project at work. We had a book fair and made enough money to buy what I call a tall cafe table that's silver with two bootie chairs (they really are called scoop stools but they are indented so they cup your bootie, hence the name). They are super cool! Anyways, I was spinning around in them (we have them in our reference area which is separate from the rest of the library) and I had this sudden inspiration...let's make this area into a sort of young adult area. Our library is older and I really want to make it more appealing to my students. So, we are going to consolidate our reference area (which means seriously weeding the collection (which does need it...some serious dust) and move it to another part of the library. The shelves are built into the walls. So we are planning on just leaving one like shelf so it acts like a little desk and we'll have like 4 or 5 study pods/laptop desks that we can add stools to. It sounds weird, so I'll have to take a picture and post it. We also want to paint and just make it user friendly. Shannon and I tend to jump in and try to do it all rather than work in phases. We may have to just get it done in phases and that's okay.

My pink mini laptop had attempted delivery today and of course I wasn't home (I had a meeting!) It will be delivered tomorrow. Yippee! A new toy to play with! I can't wait!

Yucky Rumors

You know, last year if I had heard that yucky rumor of only getting through March 2nd, I probably would have been seriously bummed. The strange thing is that I'm not. I didn't anticipate the Chinese New Year month to be very big. I still have hope that I will be getting my referral this year. I'm just sitting back and watching and waiting. I have made a promise to myself not to wig out this year over any bad rumors. I have no control whatsoever, so I just take a deep breath and let it out. We'll make it.

I should be getting my new mini laptop next week and this week I should be getting the 8th Sookie Stackhouse book. I am super addicted to those books. I also finished the last princess diaries book and I actually liked the way it ended for once. But, I won't be gettting it for my library because there's some sex talk in it, even though it's not graphic. I just picture one of my sweeter and innocent sixth grade girls picking it up thinking they are going to be seeing the disney version...yeah, not quite so. But, it was good.

Can you say HSN?

Okay...I admit it. I LOVE infomercials. My best friend Sandra and I have always been addicted to them for what seems like forever. I used to tease Sandra about the special cabinet or drawer she had for all of her purchases. She would call me if she saw something cool, even if it was late or if I had a date over, to turn on the tv to a certain channel and tell her what I thought. My favorite was the ultimate dress! I can't remember what it did but she bought it and wore it probably once. Anyways, I should have called her yesterday when I was "bit" by HSN. I was hooked, lined and sunk to this little laptop computer. It's pink and tiny and I thought to myself, I could so take that to China! It'll be perfect to keep up with my blog and download pictures and all of that jazz! That is how I justified the purchase (that and it was on flex-pay!). I was like a shark in a feeding frenzy...I had to have it! So, at the end of this month, I'll have to check it out and see how it works. I'll let ya'll know whether it was worth it. Besides, I have 30 days with the HSN guarantee.

Yesterday was my niece's birthday party at the jumpy place. She had a fun time and I'm going to post the picture of my favorite birthday girl. She's 11 going on 21.

Let's hope that the referrals speedup. I don't think the rumors will come true that a lot of March will be referred but I think it will be larger than before. I am hoping that I will get my referral sooner than later.

Mountain Cedar Bites!

The past two weeks I have been kicked in the butt by the lovely mountain cedar. I went to the doctor last Friday and got a shot. I spent all weekend in my pjs. I felt a little better but this week I still have been stuffy. It made me think that I need to make sure I get a handle on this so when Grace comes home I won't be so out of it.

I am excited about the three day weekend coming up. We have been busy with classes coming in this week. We're already starting to plan our National Library Week activities. We're going to do the theme, "Get into the Groove at Our Library" and have Dance Dance Revolution Contests. I'm also working on Falling in Love with the Library during Valentine's week, since I'm not such a big fan.

Chinese New Years is coming up. I'm excited about the Asian Festival that will happen on January 31st at the Institute of Texan Cultures. The food rocks. My favorite is the dumplings! YUM!

Happy New Year 2009

I had a very uneventful New Year's. I did spend it with my parents and we watched the movie 88 minutes with Al Pacino (it was pretty good). I went back home before midnight because my allergies have been bugging me and my mom called at midnight and said, this is going to be the year of grace, Happy 2009. I think so too. I was so excited that they finished February at the end of December. Bring on March and let's get through it in record time (better than most people think!) I was looking over Rumor Queen's website and it looks like last year, a little of December, all of January and February were referred which isn't that great. I think however, we're going to see more referrals. I really do. I think I might be waiting over 36 months (like maybe an early fall referral). I know a lot of people in my group are thinking 2010, but you know, I'm going to be an optimistic girl and believe that 2009, the year of the Ox is going to be my year.

I had my day spa appointment the day before New Year's Eve. My skin has never been smoother or softer. If you are ever in San Antonio and want a great manicure or pedicure (the polish is not even flaking off on my manicure like it usually does) you need to visit Krystle at Mediterranean Day Spa http://www.mediterraneandayspa.com/. I had the Mediterranean Dream and if you like pampering, that's the package. I have learned though that I prefer facials, pedicure and manicures. She also does great things for our soldiers. She does massage therapy and all day spa treatments for the soldiers and their spouses.

I can't believe my vacation is already over. I go back to work tomorrow. I have been able to read like 4 or 5 books. I am now addicted to the Sookie Stackhouse series. I am on book #4 (I hope to finish it this evening). It is so much better than the HBO series (of course it is...the books are always better than it's TV series or movie).

I didn't make any New Year's resolutions this year. I've decided that I will just take it one day at a time, be more positive, and not try to be oversensitive.

A late Merry Christmas

I had a nice Christmas. I was glad that my sister didn't have to work the night before or had to work that day. I got to spend the day with my parents, my sister, her hubby and 3 kiddos as well as my aunt and her partner. Santa and my family were kind to me. I enjoyed cooking for everybody. I just need to learn to not cook as much.

I also got to see my best friend, her hubby and her lovely daughter Miss Holly the day after. We exchanged presents and guess what? We got each other the same purse? How is that for being best friends? We have similar yet different tastes but the purse is super cute. I was also glad that Miss Holly let me hold her. She's so sweet and funny and clever and adorable and cute and I could go on and on. She's good therapy for me, especially when she puts her arms out to me so I can hold her. I think it's because she thinks I'm a big playmate (I do a great itsy bitsy spider and I like go give her stuffed animals voices).

I also saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons yesterday. It was super duper long and it was just okay. It made me think about the movie, How Stella Got Her Groove Back...she could have gotten her groove back in an hour and not the 2 hour movie it was...My curiosity could have been sated in an hour and a half, you know what I mean? The car ride home was interesting...I learned that it's hard for me to hear other people tell me that I should be praying or doing novenas to pray for Grace to come. Did they not think that I haven't been doing that? It was definitely an ouch thing for me and made me cry a bit (I think a little bit because of hormones and a little because of frustration and a little because I am feeling my faith falter a little). I am trying very hard to stay strong and have faith, but I'm only human and not perfect. This time of year is a time of reflection and honestly, the wait time has caused great hurt and disappointment as well as a chink in my armour of strength. I will survive and I will continue waiting. I will not give up on my dream of my daughter.

I hope the RQ is correct is saying that the cutoff for referrals will be February 28th and that they will start March at the beginning of the year. I can hope and pray for miracles in 2009 that the referrals will speed up. That's all I can do. You know, next year, in a few days, I really want to take the skydive approach to things. I just need to jump and not worry about it.

What would you like for Christmas?

Tomorrow will be three years ago that I got the news that I got a coveted spot in GWCA single's program. I was so excited that day. It was like the best Christmas present ever. Now here I am, three years later and I'm still hoping and praying for my daughter from China. My friends and family have often asked me what I wanted for Christmas and you know, like most of waiting parents, all we really want is our children, just plain and simple. Maybe I should have waited in line this year to see Santa and tell him what I wanted. I mean, it couldn't have hurt, except for Santa's lap. I can only imagine the look on Santa's face when he sees me coming to sit on his lap. He would totally have the cartoon eyes that pop out of his head.

My mom and I were talking about whether or not I would change anything about the agency I chose. My agency is a large, China only agency and at the time, when I thought it would only take a year, I wanted an agency that was close by and were experts in the country I was adopting from. They fit the bill. I know there are other great agencies that do multi-country and in fact, one of them was going to call me about a single's slot for their China program earlier in 2005 but I never followed up. I mean, if I had gone that route, I could have switched countries without losing as much money as I have invested now. But you know, it's not about the money (well, it is getting more expensive, but I'll deal). I don't know if I would have switched countries anyways. I know my daughter is in China and she's waiting for me. Besides, I have a history of always picking the slowest line in the grocery store, so this is par for me.

It will again be a tough holiday for us all while we are waiting. I, myself am going to have a Day Spa day next Monday to de-stress.

A day to note

This was a very interesting day. First of all, it is my sister's birthday. I have the greatest sister ever. She is one of my closest friends as well as my sister. It wasn't always that way. But, I can't imagine life without her. She is funny and has 3 great kids, even when they are driving me crazy. Today is also Shannon's cancer day...this is the day that we found out last year that Shannon had breast cancer. But, a year later, she is doing great and is cancer free. You go girl! She is one of the strongest women you'll ever meet. I have the deepest admiration for her. She has had a lot of tough times but she keeps popping back up.

Book Fair was better today than yesterday. I still think we will be going with another company if we do one in the spring. But the coolest thing ever that happened was my parent volunteer. I truly believe she is a sign for me to continue being strong in this wait. I was checking out the RQ website to see if there were any cutoff rumors (it's not looking good) and I was lamenting to Shannon about it. I told the parent that I was adopting from China. She looked at me and said, my daughters are Chinese. We adopted them...didn't you see my daughter earlier (of course I hadn't because I was fixing the book fair and was oblivious to things). So we talked about her adoptions and her girls and it just made me feel so much stronger. I tell you, God sends us signs when we are feeling kind of vulnerable to make us stronger. I looked at her daughter and smiled. I know no matter how long it takes, I will be getting my Grace. I'm hanging onto that thought.

Bad days but good days

Yesterday was an Alexander Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day. It actually began Sunday night with an e-mail to my personal e-mail account from my principal about an irate parent saying I hadn't returned e-mails or phone calls. That was news to me. Hadn't received one e-mail or phone call. In the end, the parent double-talks in the return e-mails to me and I carbon copy my responses to her (basically she called herself out that she hadn't tried contacting me since the 3rd week of school) which were very nice and professional. What I resented was the e-mail that was sent back to the parent from my principal before she spoke to me. Basically, bottom line, I got thrown under the bus and made to look like a complete incompetent and that really hurt. Then, we are having book fair this week and they were supposed to deliver it first thing yesterday and guess what? They screwed up and had me in the afternoon...it didn't come until after school and I was already livid. I wasn't about to stay after school (I already had plans for dinner with my family...sister's anniversary) Guess who they had set up the book fair? The guy (you know the one that I was so done with a few weeks ago) dad! Yeah, saw too much of him already this week. He was in the foyer when I walked in. He's a nice guy, but yeah, too much of a reminder. Oh well...thank God today was better. But you know, if I really look at the big picture, way worse things could be happening to me. One of my parents' friends was just diagnosed with bone marrow cancer and is in the hospital.

This week has been already one of those weeks. I am so ready to have Christmas vacation. I just want another break to sleep in and give myself a couple of days to wallow. It will be another tough year for those of us who are still waiting. We had hoped that last Christmas we would have our children this Christmas and the outlook isn't promising, at least number wise. We can always hope for our Christmas miracle.

Happy Thanksgiving

The holidays when one is waiting for something special, like waiting for your referral for your child, is truly bittersweet. I love, love, love Thanksgiving. It is my favorite holiday. I have been looking forward to it for a long time. When I woke up this morning though, I wasn't as happy or excited as I thought I would be. Maybe it was because I read a post on one of my Yahoo groups and the person was fretting about what her agency said about China adoptions (basically not speeding up, domestic adoption was increasing and yada, yada, yada). It totally conflicted with what my agency has told me. So, who is telling the truth? I don't know. I hope mine is (not that they promised any speedup or anything, just that it'll most likely get better after March LIDs and that people are dropping like flies out of the program and she didn't think it would take the whole year to do March like everybody is saying.) Maybe it was because it didn't start off well. I am in charge of cooking the turkey breast my mom bought. I told her to put it in the fridge to defrost. What neither one of us realized is that it shouldn't have been defrosted. It's one of those birds that all you do is throw it into the oven. I figured this out after I made the stuffing. I read the directions, the ran upstairs to check the butterball website on how to fix my problem...unfrozen turkey breast. I hope lowering the oven by 25 degrees will work. My stuffing was also contingent on being put in the turkey. It really is kind of flavorless. Thank God I bought some stovetop as well. Everthing else seems to be okay. I'm boiling the potatoes for the mashed potatoes and I'm cooking the pinto beans in the crock pot (mom lent me her really cool pampered chef garlic masher thing and it rocks!). It smells great. So, I guess the lesson that I am learning is that despite obstacles, you have to make lemonade out of lemons. So, I'm going to go downstairs, check on my potatoes, make the best mashed potatoes, take a shower, wear my favorite jeans, t-shirt and Ed Hardy shoes and put on a happy face and enjoy my favorite holiday. You know, I do have a great life and I'm very blessed. I have a lot to be thankful for and that's what I plan to focus on. Cheers to everybody still waiting for their referral. May you have a great Thanksgiving.

30 months of waiting!

Yep, today is my 30 month anniversary of my LID. Wow, it's incredible how long it's been. But it seems that time has been going by fast, which is good.

I saw Twilight on Friday afternoon. What was I thinking? Going to a girly teen movie the day it opens? YIKES! I had the pleasure of sitting next to some very unpleasant teen girls who were saying some pretty offensive things not to mention some a racial slur about one of the characters. Did I tell you that is when I popped both of my elbows out and connected with her bony arm? I know teen girls and saying things to these types of girls do absolutely nothing. I just glared and let my elbows do the talking for me. By the way, let's just say that I prefer the books better. What was up with the editing or Jacob's hair and this is just only a small portion of things that bugged me. But, I didn't not enjoy the movie. I guess it was like how I felt about Breaking Dawn. I didn't totally like it but it wasn't horrible either. I hear that they are going to make New Moon. Of course, I will see that one. My favorite character, Jacob is a big main character.

I am getting ready for the holidays. It was so nice sleeping in today. I ran some errands and then picked up and vacuumed upstairs. I could have made a sweater with all of Hope's hair on the carpet. I'm getting ready to vacuum and mop downstairs and spray down the oven to clean in the morning. I want a clean kitchen to prepare the food, even though I am taking it to my parents' house.

I am going to take my niece to Disneyworld at the end of January or beginning of February. We both need a small vacation and she is my favorite traveling buddy. We'll play hooky for 2 days. I might as well go because I probably won't be going for a while. Grace will be too little.

I want all the facts ma'am

I called my agency today and basically asked them for the 411 on wait times. I told her that people are really starting to panic and it's leading to hysteria and it's making me doubt myself. While she couldn't say for sure about timeframes, she did say that she thinks most of their families will wait 3 to 3 1/2 years. I asked her would I be getting my referral in 2010 like some people are predicting and she strongly felt that it wouldn't. She didn't think it would take the whole year to do March like other people have been saying. She said that once March is done, it should get better as far as how many dates get referred because March is mighty big. BUT...she also said that a lot of the families are dropping like flies. That makes me sad not only because they might be giving up their dream but they also lost a lot of money! I mean the amount lost is like the price of a used car, but still, a big ticket item. So anyways, the way I look at it, I still have a year or less of a wait and I'm pulling for less than a year! I felt better and more reassured. We don't have crystal balls and cannot predict the future but it so important for agencies to reach out to their clients and have these talks with them to reassure them. Shame on them for not opening the communication lines other than a monthly e-mail (yes, that is directed towards my agency who I really do like). I know they say they are a phone call away or an e-mail away, but they should be calling us to check in with us at least every other month during this wait to give us information. Sometimes, the information is almost perceived as secretive. But, I learned today that all you have to do is call and ask. So, bottom line, ask. Be your own adoption detective. Go to the horse's mouth instead of drawing conclusions based on rumors, if you can (I know, some agencies aren't as forthcoming). So, deep breath in, lotus position, I can do less than a year.

Addicted to Carmen San Diego

I am so addicted to the game Where in the World is Carmen San Diego...it's sick. I found the CD-rom in my desk when my 8 year old nephew came over to my house. We played it and now it is I who is playing it every night. I LOVE IT! It's so sad how much I love it.

I went and saw my friend's band last night, PuppyJet and they sounded great. I also liked the opening band before them, The Far Cries...who woulda thought my friend's band would have an opening act huh? Anyways, I stayed for the Far Cries and left after the second song of PuppyJet, not that they were horrible or anything but the smoke was seriously affecting our breathing...that's the one thing I hate about bars like that, the cigarette smoke. It was also very bittersweet. At one time in my life, that ecletic music scene was a place that I felt very comfortable with. It was like seeing my life in my 20s with my older 30something year old eyes. It was great people watching, I especially liked watching the table of guys of varied ages, pierced and tatooed, I especially was intrigued by the 50something year old mohawk guy (yes a 50 year old with a mohawk). But at the same time, I realized I am so not that girl anymore. I really didn't fit in (even though I was wearing the black long sleeve t-shirt, jeans and Ed Hardy shoes, which are super cool). I've moved on and I guess I realized how much I have grown up. It's weird to have a wake-up call at such a place. [ sidenote to my best friend Sandra: And yes Sandra, I did behave myself and let's just say that dreams are probably better than reality and it will be super long time before I even seriously consider it. Nuff said]

Speaking of real concerts, Sandra and I may bite the bullet and see our favorite band from our youth, Duran Duran. She loved Simon LeBon (or was it John Taylor...I think Simon) and I knew I was going to marry John Taylor (like every other middle school girl during the 80s). Anyways, it should be a blast.

My dad called me the other day and said, "Jamie, I think Grace is born and I think you are going to get a referral in March." (that's the second person who has said that to me...Shannon and my dad). It's weird because my dad doesn't say things like that. AND Sandra had a ladybug crawling on her in her classroom the other day. Kinda weird. So, let's hope for the best and that '09 will be a year for our miracles.

November already!

I can't believe that we're already almost two weeks into November. Time is flying by so fast. I did some serious retail therapy and now I am having a bit of regret on a top which I believe I will be returning to Nordstroms. It was cute but so not worth the cost. I was going to wear it to see Cobra Starship and Forever the Sickest Kids, but in the end, we didn't go. The good thing was that I had to go down a size in jeans. Yippee! I've lost like 12 pounds in about 3 weeks. My goal is a whole heck of a lot more, but I will make it. I've got a year before my next skydive. I want to wear the green suit.

We're going to see my friend Chris' band, Puppy Jet, next weekend. He doesn't go on until 11. I told him that was usually the time I'm coming home from places, not going out. It should be a good show though. I always have fun with Shannon at concerts.

I am cooking Thanksgiving for my family this year but taking it over to my parents' house. Last year was so nice and I hope it will be again. I love that all you do on that day is eat, watch TV, play games and sometimes we go to the movies. Speaking of which, Twilight starts November 21st and Shannon and I are going to go after school to see it. Yippee! I am so Team Jake but I realize that Bella and Edward belong together. If it had been me doing the picking, I so would have picked Jacob. Edward would have literally sucked the life out of me.

This year at Thanksgiving, I will be saying a prayer for all of us that we get our little ones faster than everybody is predicting. In the interim, I have finally started moving on with my life. I'm planning on applying for an NEH seminar for teachers that will take place this summer for 3 weeks in Chicago. Wish me luck!

So sick of the negativisim!

Can I just say that I really, really, really hate how when people see how slow the referrals are coming that they start going into negative panic mode? Then comes all of the doom and gloom predictions that say it's going to take this much longer and blah, blah, blah. Okay, I respect your right to vent and make doomsday predictions but it doesn't mean I have to like it. How do you know it's going to take 4 years? None of us, well maybe some of us, are psychics and cannot predict the future. Isn't it better to look at the glass half full than half empty? Isn't being optimistic a lot healthier than being a naysayer? Negativism breeds negativism. It's like a hoover and sucks the life out of you. You may call yourselves realists, but the bottom line is that we really don't know. I, myself, prefer to remain positive and I have to stay away from the people who are starting to seriously panic and it becomes like a serious craze and then everybody starts freaking out and it spins out of control (you know, just like Judd Nelson's character says in The Breakfast Club, "He'll get up, then we'll all get up and it'll be anarchy!" It just helps to take a deep breath, breathe, and take it one day at a time. And, I'm going to check out those sweet baby's faces to remind me of what is to come.

Election Day

It's going to be very interesting to see who wins the election tonight. I wasn't entirely thrilled with either candidate but you know there won't be a person who I think will fill all of my needs. I just pray that whoever is elected will be able to make good decisions that will benefit us all. A student asked me today if I voted and I said I had and they wanted to know who. I told her that was a personal question and that I voted who I felt would be the best candidate for the job. She said she really wanted to know and I still didn't feel right telling her. I told her it was one of those things you don't ask people, like who you vote for, how much money you make or how much you weigh. I don't think she understood but everybody has the right to vote for whoever they feel in their hearts is the best candidate for the job. Enough said.

Yesterday I had the author, Patrick Carman visit my school (Thank you Fabby from Barnes and Noble Northwood store!). He was so awesome. He told a great story about his friend and him destroying their toys including a Stretch Armstrong and an Evil Knieval doll. It cracked me up. He has a great new book coming out called Skeleton Creek that will be totally interactive with a journal and a website that has movie clips. It's like Blair Witch Project meets a Ghost Hunter's journal. It's super cool. I can't remember the website offhand, but I know one of the websites that is in the book is www.sarahfincher.com and the password is houseofusher. The video is super cool. I love it! I can't wait until it comes out.

RQ is saying referrals should be coming out soon and it doesn't look like a great big batch. I'm not surprised but my agency should be getting referrals this time. I hope they finish February this year. I was looking at our list of LIDs and it's sort of bottlenecks up until the middle of March (like people turned in their paperwork like in Feb and didn't get an LID until March, like almost a month later). I think after that bottleneck is referred, there might be some sort of speedup. I know people freak out over rumors and how the referrals have been super slow, but I'm thinking for me, a May 24 LIDer, I know I'll be getting my referral in 2009 and not 2010. It would be awesome to have a May or June referral so I have the whole summer and I can take some time off at the beginning of the school year, but an early fall wouldn't be horrible either. What will be will be. I'm in it for the long haul. I'm glad my I-600a can be renewed so I'm not going to sweat it out or freak out.

I should have my own action figure

Yeah, I did it. I'm proud. I jumped out of an airplane. It rocked! I'm definitely going to do it again. The weird thing was that I wasn't afraid or nervous at all. Maybe that is how my brain copes with things...it just doesn't dwell much on things like that. I had so much fun and can I tell you that my instructor was super CUTE! He was totally what I used to go for when I was in my 20s. So, being strapped to him was no biggie! We watched the video and I was laughing so hard that I was crying (actually we all were). All I kept thinking about during free fall was the way my face was looking from the air pressure. It wasn't too pretty. When I realized I was being taped, I tried smiling because I thought that might help....yeah, not so much...imagine a blow fish on a human's body. I really can't explain the feeling but it was very peaceful and very freeing. I think at the beginning I wasn't sure what to expect but I tell you, the whole face morphing thing is not pretty, although if you look at my instructor in the video and the pictures, he totally doesn't have the same look. Hmmmmm...let's just say, girlfriend here is totally going to lose more weight before she goes back. I don't want my action figure to be Miss Flappy Blowfish face. I am attaching a couple of pictures for your pleasure. I am definitely not putting up those blowfish flappy face ones...too embarassing!

I don't know if anybody else has been checking RQ, but there is still not cut off rumors. Let's hope the silence is golden and we'll be rich in babies!

3 times, not the charm

My dear friend Chris once told me that after 3 dates, you should be able to tell whether or not you really want to date someone. Boy, was he right on the money. I learned through this date that I have cardinal rules of dating that shouldn't be broken or it's all over. Yeah, my date on Friday broke so many of these rules that I didn't know that I had. Here are some of mine:

1. Thou shall ask me my opinions and not just do what you want...example: did I get to choose the movie? Nope. Did I even have a voice? Nope. The movie we saw was very violent and not my type of movie. When asked if I was hungry and I said a little, was I asked what I wanted to eat? Nope. It was chosen for me.
2. Thou shall listen to me and not just do what you want. Example: I said I wanted to go to a certain theater to avoid my students, guess what theater we ended up at? Yeah, the one my students go to. Not cool.
3. Thou shall not make me walk a long way in my heels...or at least ask me if I would be okay walking what it seemed like forever.
4. Thou shall not be cheap. There is cheap and there is thrifty...Big difference and he's cheap.
5. Thou shall not make fun of a gift my mother gave me...or mock it...my mother gave me a VERY nice Philip Stein watch, you know the Oprah watch and the whole evening he was mocking it as the magic watch with the ooooooohhhhh.
6. Thou shall not treat me as a stupid girl who has no opinion and that he knows EVERYTHING about the world...the economy is not just a figment of our imaginations...we are in trouble. His thought is that the economy is just righting itself. Be that as it may, people are still having trouble making ends meet!!!!

Anyways, I'm glad I found out now. I know I could have stopped and said something earlier but I would have come off as a shrew and there's the whole thing that his dad is one of my vendors, goes to my church, knows my parents. It's complicated. The thing is I think he really likes me and I have to find a nice way to say that it's just not going to work. I'm glad he's not a phone talker so it can be a short and sweet conversation. I'm sorry Sandra that we didn't work. I know you had high hopes but Rex was so right, "RUN!" At least I can cross off "Go out on a date" off my list of To Do for this year. LOL

Tomorrow my mom is having a colonoscopy and so I'm taking the day off to take her. I'm eagerly waiting to hear when the next referrals will come. My sister had a vivid dream about playing with a little girl. I hope it's a sign. When I was cutting my gala apples this morning, the label had a little ladybug on it. Hope it's a good sign.

Ren Fest

I had a fabby weekend with my best friend and her hubby, daughter and her hubby's friends. We drove 3 hours to go to Texas Renaissance Festival. I tell you, it is the best people watching experience ever. It cracks me up to watch people jump out of their modern day cars and SUVs and then don medieval wear. I think the chain mail bikini tops were a bit much but what really made us laugh were the men who were wearing Conan like outfits, complete with fur boots and fur loin cloths. Crazy. There was one cute Conan guy that I didn't mind watching so much. Sigh!

Next weekend or the weekend after, I am going to go skydiving with Shannon's hubby Keith while Shannon watches. It's on my list of things I've always wanted to do. Crazy, I know. But I figure I should do it before I get my daughter. I can tell my grandchildren, "Yeah, Grandma was a daredevil in her younger days. She even jumped out of a plane!" The funny thing is that I've always liked that sort of stuff for the most part but scary movies and glow in the dark things scare the heck out of me. Go figure.

hip hip hooray!

YEA! I am so glad that the USCIS is allowing us to extend our I-600A if we don't let it expire. Yipee! I was totally sweating it just because who knew if the no singles policy currently held by China would affect me (I know they said it wouldn't but you know, things have changed so often during this long wait that we never know from one day to the next). I am still hopeful that I won't have to renew again (mine expires in July 2009) but I definitely won't let it expire if it does. I am very blessed in that I have a great friend Chris, who I love and adore, who has been giving me referrals for a side job (and he himself said he was going to send me work from his own project) that is helping to build my savings/money market account. The wait has allowed me to grow these accounts so I will totally be on a cash basis and I shouldn't wipe out everything when I go to China, which is a sigh of relief. Heck though, if I could go today, I wouldn't care about wiping out the account because something always happens and God provides for my needs. I can't explain it but it always happens that way.

This Saturday, I am going to Renfest with my best friend Sandra and her hubby and their daughter and Rex's friends. It should be fun. I might even get my hair all crazy braided. It hurts but I always love the look. My parents are going to have to let Hope out a couple of times since I'll be gone all day and not coming home until late at night (we have to travel to Plantersville).

I can't believe tomorrow is Wednesday. Is it me or is time flying by super fast? You think this is God's way of making the wait bearable for us?

Neil Diamond

Tonight, my friend D and I went to see Neil Diamond in concert. I know, I know, not the typical Jamie fare but we were offered free tickets and we decided to go. We had fun even though we only knew about 7 of the songs. It was one of the greatest people watching times we had. We saw a woman in her 50s get kicked out for being too drunk. We watched people who were our parents age totally getting jiggy with it. And we got to belt out Sweet Caroline (and those of you who know my story with that song...nope, didn'thave any flashbacks, though I did see Kip's face a couple of times which made me a little nausiated). We left before it was over. The place was packed! People were having a good time which made it even more fun. I loved watching the guy who was my age in the front row with his mom. He and his mom both were clearly enjoying the show. They were up on their feet just dancing and singing along. That got me thinking...when I'm 50ish, will there be a performer that I will want to see, that will pack the house and sound like they did when they were in there heyday? I can't imagine myself then wanting to see Def Leppard, Duran Duran, AC/DC...maybe U2? Hmmmm who knows.

Shadiness

Okay...I am so going to air some dirty laundry right now. I'm kind of livid. Why is it that the guys I go out with end up being shady? Example, tonight. The person who I went out with last Saturday who hasn't called me all week was supposed to be going out of town to Houston...guess who I ran into at the football game? Yep, you guessed it! I'm with my girls from work going to get tickets and who do I see in front of me? So, I lean over to D and poke her and start saying under my breath, "That's him! That's the guy!" when he swoops next to me and says, "My dad says, "there's Jamie! Hide!" Okay, that was so not funny and not cool! I got caught first of all, acting like a teenager pointing him out to my friend, then I'm kind of cautious because he is supposed to be out of town. When I call him on it, he says the plans fell through. Hmmm, how is seeing your uncle a plan that could fall through? I call foul totally. I was very cool towards him and he has the nerve to say, "We're going out Friday right?" I nod, what was I supposed to say? No loser because you can't pick up a phone to say you're staying in town? He KNEW I was going to be there. I told him Saturday night. The game was fun though. I got to see my former students and even though we lost, it was a great game. We had a blast. I just don't get guys. Seriously. So, yeah, I'll go out Friday and I think I'm going to look pretty fabulous and just be cool about it. His loss. Oh yeah, and what was it about giving me a handshake? What was that all about? I gave him a hug. His dad gave me a hug when he came and talked to me and asked about my parents. Yeah, he was there with his folks. Okay, so I attact real winners. I knew there was a reason why I have stayed single.

Yikes! Dating!

I thought I was going to puke my guts out on the way to the restaurant. Yep, I said it. Pure, pure nervousness. What is it about first dates that just make you want to hurl? What's worse is that I knew him but he didn't really know me. His parents and my parents know each other, we went to the same church and same schools growing up (I graduated 3 years before he did) and it was a total fluke that we met (I had been on a Catholic dating site a long time ago...never ever checked it and got an e-mail that I had a response and long story short, we started talking). But, I have to say, I had a really good time. We ate Thai food and came back to my house and played wii. He kicked my butt in bowling, we tied in tennis and I knocked him out in boxing...must be the rhythmic boxing I do on wii fit. Then we played Idol Karoke Revolution & Rock Band. Yeah, I'm not usually a girl who will bust out a song in front of a strange guy, but I did. I am not a great singer either. But we had fun. But, just because I had fun doesn't mean this is going anywhere. He did ask me out again in a couple of weeks (he's going to Houston next weekend). But still, it doesn't mean anything at all! Besides, I still haven't let him know about Grace. Frankly, we're gettting to know each other in a buddy sort of way, which adopting my daughter really doesn't concern him at this point. I go back and forth on this issue all of the time. It's interesting throwing dating into the whole not quite a single parent mix. And you know what? He might already know because I know his dad knows I'm adopting. I work with him once or twice a year. And he still hasn't told me his secrets either...I know all of his baggage because of someone who works with his dad told me and his dad told my dad too...Oh well...too much thinking makes my head hurt.

I hope the wait will speed up.