Yeah, that's my anthem for today. It started out as a nice day, but I really stepped into in with my mouth. I don't know if I have spoken of what's going on my mom's family. It's major drama because my grandparents can't take care of themselves and the 5 siblings can't agree on what to do. Two of the siblings are adamant about not doing assisted living. One of these siblings is PAID to take care of them in the day and the rest of the 5 take turns on the weekends. Well, now they need 24 hour care. That means spending the night over there. My parents are 65 and 62. My father has been sick with high blood pressure, heart and eye problems (he now only has one eye that works). My mom has seriously high blood pressure. Both of my parents physically cannot do what is needed to take care of a 92 and a 90 year old. I have been helping my parents out a lot. So, when it's my parents turn, I take them (my mom is not a fan of driving either). My parents pay for someone to spend the night on their weekends. So, I host Christmas. It's my first one without my grandparents because another aunt huffily took my grandparents to their house. My aunt who lives in Houston came in and I invited her to join my family. I go to Mass on Saturday and Father talks about not letting people be lonely on Christmas. So, I invite the rest of my family. My aunt, the single one, who is also the paid caretaker comes and goes on and on about whoa is her because she does everything and yadda yadda yadda. Did I mention that she takes holidays off and her birthday and she's so tired that she can't cook when she gets home at 3p.m.? Did I also mention that she refuses to take a weekend (mind you my grandparents don't pay the rest of the siblings on the weekends) because she needs a break? Good grief! Anyways, she gets into it with my mom because she's wallowing in herself. Mind you she also spent over an hour on the phone with who knows talking about how poor poor her is all alone. Not cool! My aunt from Houston is able to make peace. So, today, my uncle is taking care of my grandparents and both are sick. My grandfather especially has the stomach bug that comes out both ends. He takes him to the ER and my aunt who is the paid caretaker comes over to stay with grandmother. I was supposed to go to Mass with my parents at 5:30, but I accidentally oversleep. I get a phone call and I answer it thinking it's about my grandfather. It's my paid aunt who wants to know when my parents get out of Mass so they can spell her because she's been there all day and she needs a break! My uncle is with my grandfather at the hospital. They are going to admit him because of the fluid situation. I tell her I really don't know. Maybe an hour, an hour and a half. I don't know if they have plans after church. She wants me to call them. I refuse. I won't call them at CHURCH! Then she starts taking about how she had plans and my uncle has plans and they have to do EVERYTHING! Well, I lost it then. My parents were supposed to be leaving on a trip the last time my grandfather went into the hospital. They cancelled and we went to the hospital and we took him home. It was HER choice to keep them at her house when he got out. I told her I didn't appreciate the fact that she was making my mother feel guilty like she was a horrible daughter and didn't do anything. She denied what I said and I said that is what it is. I told her that my mother doesn't want to help, but that she is physically incapable of what they want her to do! I told her that the siblings need to figure out some other way because this wasn't working. She said that they agreed to help out but only she and my uncle were doing their part. BOY that got me hot under the collar. She kept saying how she did this out of love and checked on them for over 20 years but the rest of the siblings expect her to do it because she's the single one. Okay, I'm the single girl too. I check on my parents too out of love. But you know what? If I can't handle it anymore, I am going to do something about it. I think she's looking out for HER best interests more than my grandparents. It makes my blood boil. I know I shocked her because I have never ever said anything like that to her. I was not ugly but I told her how I felt. I said I was upset because it was hurting my mother. I just wish someone would say, "This isn't working. We are physically unable to care for our parents but they need help. They need assisted living." I don't see that happening. Sadly, I think I have seen the destruction of that part of my extended family. I'm sad, but I'm thankful that my immediate family is close and supportive. It's like the song said, "Breaking up is hard to do."
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Okay, today was a good day. I totally intended to get groceries (which I did) for Christmas and clean my house. Of course, nothing ever happens like it is intended. My sister was in a pickle and needed me to watch my niece and nephews while she got her hair done. I got home, picked up a bit, put presents in the closet and waited for them. Brennan was in a foul mood because he couldn't bring the PS2. I have PS1 and a frogger game. We played them both. The kids beat my hiney in Tekken like REALLY BAD! We decided to go and eat pizza at Pizza Hut. We stopped by the hairplace and told my sister what we were up to and then went to eat. Of course, it was nasty and didn't have much. We ate very little and then the boys voted no to the mall. KJ and I began talking about the WII. I had gone this weekend and waited in line at Target to see if I could get one. No such luck! They ran out. This whole week I have been calling to see if anybody had one. Nope! I was pretty complacent that I wouldn't get one until after Christmas (I know, I'm a big kid). I did my daily calling to Gamestop. Strike one. Tried EB and strike 2. Nobody answered at Best Buy. KJ kept telling me to call Toys R Us. I didn't think they would have one, but I relented. I called and to my surprise, they had just gotten in 4 an hour ago. We got excited. Kids threw on their shoes. It was mass chaos heading out the garage door to the car. Even Hope the dog got into the action. We had to throw her back inside the house. We got in the car and drove as fast as we could safely and of course, I was anxious and excited. When we finally got there and found a parking spot, KJ told the little ones, "Okay guys, take off your seatbelt as soon as Aunt Jamie puts the car in park!" We were off. Doors flew open, KJ got out and started across the street to the store. I was behind with the little ones. When we got into the store, KJ sprinted to the game section and stood in line. We saw a gentleman purchasing one. Maybe we got it. It was our turn next and I asked if he had anymore WIIs. Nope, that was the last one! AHHHHHHHH! Strike out! We were pumped up from the adventure and hunt. KJ wanted to keep the quest going. I asked the little ones and they were up for it. We went to Best Buy next. Strike 2. KJ then suggested Target next door. Okay, I thought. They probably wouldn't have it. Yep, you guessed it strike 3. So, we left the Forum and on the way, we all agreed to try Wal-Mart and then Sam's. I was pretty sure we weren't going to get one, but we were having so much fun chasing the dream. I found a parking space pretty far from the store. KJ got out and was waaaaay ahead of me and the little ones. We couldn't see where he went in the electronics section. I asked the cashier in that section if they had a WII, and of course the answer was no. All right, no WII. We look for KJ. I see his shaggy head by the Xbox section and I figured he was looking at the games. We slowly strolled over there, and had already decided to check out the toys before we left. KJ was talking to a WalMart lady. I asked her about the WII. Yes, there is this 1 that I am putting out. Can we have it? Yes and you wanted Happy Feet too? Yes! So, now I am a proud owner of the WII. The kids love it and I do too. I'm not great at it, but I'm going to keep practicing. Happy Feet here I come.
Posted by Jamie at 11:24 PM
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Okay, I made it to the holiday break. Yea! The atmosphere at school has had such thick tension that you could cut it with a knife. But, we kept it rather light in the library. In fact, Shannon and I are applying to be on the Amazing Race. It will be filming this summer and because it looks like I won't be getting Grace this summer, it could possibly be something exciting to do. Of course, getting even an interview will be an act of God. But, it has been fun filling out the application and getting together our video. Who wouldn't want to see the crazy library chicks run a race for a cool million???
I am going to clean my house because I am hosting Christmas. I'm making turkey, dressing, having tamales, rolls, beans, rice, green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, rolls and of course yummy dessert. Because our extended family is having issues right now over my grandparents, it'll be my immediate family which is fine by me. I love my parents and sister and her kiddos. We hope to go to see that movie about things coming to life in the museum. I would like to see my grandparents, but who knows what will happen. Right now there's a division about the care they need. I feel bad for my mother because that is not the stress she needs. My grandparents need around the clock care. My mother is 65 and my dad is 62. I help them out and they aren't as strong as they used to be. My mom is very nervous when driving and my dad's vision isn't too keen. I do a lot of the driving. I really don't think my parents are able to take care of them 24/7 when it's their weekend. There is no way that my parents could lift my grandmother if something happens. They need other care. It's not that my parents won't take care of them, it's just that they AREN'T able. I wish my aunts and uncle would get that!!!!!
I still have a few things that I need to buy and then I need to wrap gifts. I finally put up my tree and got a new DVD player and hooked it up. I'm set. I also have to clean like a maniac.
Tomorrow, my parents may need me to help them with my grandparents. I'm on standby. If I had Grace, there is no way that I would be able to do this. I guess the only thing I can do is pray about it.
So, it's almost a year since I got the e-mail saying I made it into the singles program and almost 7 months since I have been LID. I know I've been waiting a long time but they say good things come to those who wait. I had a dream last night that it was Gotcha Day. Boy, Grace was extremely sassy! I'm sure that will come true!
Posted by Jamie at 8:49 PM
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Just when I thought I was going to go out of my mind, peace enveloped me this morning. Peace and happiness! Okay, so I have decided why I need the longer wait. I need to get my house in order. I'm going to get a deck built in my backyard. I'm going to take out the fountain and maybe pond and plant a tree (a Chinese pistache). Then I'm going to get rid of my big comfy red chair and entertainment center because they are too big in my living room. I'll get Grace's room painted and my room too. I need that time to get my house nice and neat for my little girl.
Posted by Jamie at 8:49 PM
Friday, December 08, 2006
So, Monday was the first day of Book Fair, which I hate. I also had a librarian's meeting after school. We did horrible business and then I had to sit still at a meeting (of course I was late getting there). My mom called me when I arrived asking where I was. When I told her I was at a meeting that was just starting, she asked if it would be over around 5 and I said maybe. My phone rings during the meeting at 5:10ish. We're having this long conversation about how reading and librarians are important to learning, yadda, yadda, yadda. I turn off the ringer and then decide to go out in the hall to call my mom. The first thing I said was, "I'm still in my meeting, I didn't realize you guys were that hungry" But then my mom said that my grandfather had been put in the hospital for heart failure and she wanted to know when I would be done so we could go to the hospital. I left right then and there. I felt like a dork. My grandfather was a bit out of it. His main complaint was that he was hungry. He stayed for 3 days. He was released yesterday and my parents, sister, 2 of her kids and I went to pick him up. It was very stressful because it turns out he needs 24 hour care and my grandmother isn't much better. So now I predict the fighting will begin amongst my mother's 5 sibings about what to do with my grandparents. I feel horrible for my mother. She and my father are in okay health, but they aren't strong enough to take care of my grandparents. My father has some serious health problems of his own. So, it might sound like I'm an ungrateful granddaughter, but I think they need either a home nurse in the evening or a nursing care facility. It's hard for me to even think this way but I love them and I want them to be well taken care of.
But that wasn't the only bummer. Our book fair totally sucked! We lost about 200 students last year to the new school opening and it affected our sales. We did horribly. At least we have enough to have Rick Riordon come in February.
Then I came home today to find that my dog Hope has chewed up my glasses that I left on the side table in the living room (forgot them this morning because I was running late). I know she has been upset because I haven't been able to walk her this week because I left shortly after I got home to go to the hospital and I got home late. I want to be mad at her but I can't because I know she's just reacting to being home alone.
The last bummer comes in the fact that waiting times will continue to increase. I knew that but I think I finally comprehend the fact that I probably won't be an official mom until late 2007 or early 2008. I know there are positives in that I can save and do other things that I can't do with Grace, but the thought of not having her for a long time is like a little stab to my heart. I will survive but it's going to sting for a while.
On the brighter side, I get to see my best friend Sandra tomorrow and go shopping with her. There is nothing like therapy shopping. Especially shopping at the San Marcos outlet.
Posted by Jamie at 8:48 PM
Friday, December 01, 2006
TGIF! Yep! I'm very happy. The stork had landed and there are some beautiful babies out there. It makes me more excited because my turn will be coming. What makes the wait more bearable is that I have an awesome waiting buddy and I'm part of the MayDTC 2006 gift swaps. I got the coolest things today. I got some great books for Grace, cute feeie pajamas and a lullaby CD. Diane sent me a lovely panda ornament and a cute book. I can't wait until Grace sees her stuff.
The crib will be paid off in January so that means I have to paint before I get it. I will also have to break down Hope's crate so that everything fits. Time is going fast.
Next week is book fair! YUCK! I hate it because it sucks the life out of you. On top of that, I have meetings after school most every day of the week. Oh well! It's part of life.
Tomorrow, I'm meeting up with some friends for lunch at Cheesecake Factory and some pumpkin cheesecake. YUM! It's finally cold here! Let's see how long it will last.
Posted by Jamie at 9:10 PM